I needed healing, too. I was broken - for a lot of reasons. I have never been a risk taker either.
I fought this tooth and nail for a long time. I had my head in the sand. I was scared, angry, fearful - you name it.
I did it all wrong for a long time. All wrong.
Then slowly, very slowly, I started getting it. I was still. I listened with my heart.
I took it one small step at a time. I tried outward things to feel better about myself. I lost weight. I changed my hair. I bought new clothes. I took long walks. I learned to enjoy being with myself. I prayed and I thought things through.
And mostly, I just let myself be.
Then things started to become clearer. I realized that there were things about myself I didnt like. I started to change them. A little at a time.
As this was happening, I was letting my h go. Believe me, I used to contact him all the time. Then, a day, two days, four days would go by. Soon a week, then two weeks would go by and I wouldnt be in touch.
I started filling up my days. I was exercising and reading. I started to like the way I was beginning to look. Then I would talk to people more - at the store, in the library. I found that people responded differently to me. I liked it.
I was becoming the person I was meant to be. I grew closer to my son. My world expanded.
And I realized that I didn't need my h to be whole. I didnt need him to make me happy. I just needed me.
