I have not posted in a while and added a knew thread.
My ex has been fairly hostile as of late, trying to do things that will push my buttons.
I have tried to remain calm and continue my dark phase.
The latest incident happened on July 15. It was my daughter's 16th birthday. Ex had a little party for her with his family. At the end of the party he thought that he would have a little father/daughter time. His last present for my 16 year old daughter was a cigar, yes I said a cigar. He said they would celebrate and smoke a cigar together. OW also smoked with them and took pictures of the momentous occasion. These pictures were then posted on facebook.
I of course was livid. How stupid.... I talked to my daughter about the incident and she took the pictures off facebook. My daughter does not normally smoke nor has any intention of continuing this habit. Ex just knew it would get my goat.
All, and I mean all my family saw the picture. Ex and my daughter were posed like adolescents smoking for the first time with a "cool" type pose. I almost threw up.
What is he thinking.....?
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, Your xh wasn't thinking at all like an adult. He's still reliving his youth and who knows what he did at the ripe old age of 16...his father or friends may have done the same thing w/him.
Since the incident has come and gone and the photos have been removed from Facebook, I'd let it go. BTW, he is definitely trying to push your buttons. Your ex "son" wants mom's attention really badly. Don't give it to him!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for the replies, Grace and Snod. It helps to reafirm my suspicions.
Ex's relationship with daughter comes and goes. Sometimes the relationship is tense, other times it is non-existent, and other times they are buddies. It is never a parent/child relationship though. Ex is not capable of that, plus he wants to be liked so very much that being the disciplinarian would be too hard on him and require too much effort. He is so very afraid of rejection. Plus he banks on me doing all this work so the kids dislike me at times for setting boundaries and rules.
I have let the situation go since my daugter knows how I feel about it and has taken the picture off. It would not help one bit to confront ex. He in fact would love it if I went crazy about it so he could justify why he left the family.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Plus he banks on me doing all this work so the kids dislike me at times for setting boundaries and rules.
This ^^^^ is temporary. Someday, and yes it might take until they have their own children, they will appreicate that you loved them enough to do what was right by them.
When my children get mad at me they often shout things like "I won't be your friend anymore" or "I don't like you" to which I reply "sweetie, my job is not to be your friend, it's to be your mom which means that I have to do what you need, not what you want. I have lots of friends but only one ~insert appropriate child's name here~."
Oh and just FTR, although I'm sure you already know this ...
Originally Posted By: TRUSTING
What is he thinking.....?
... he's not.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Trusting, I would not assume that your X did this to get to you. I would gently point out that you are mind-reading here. Perhaps you are taking his actions more personally than they warrant.
It's probably just about him and his goofy immature way of trying to relate to her.
You are right to ignore.
When my X was more normal, he would have described that sort of action as the sort of thing that immature people do when they are trying to find themselves.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
I do hear what you are saying. but my ex is by nature a real button pusher. It has increased 100 fold since his MLC. It has been a pattern with him if he does not get his way.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Ex is trying to convince my 16 year-old daughter to live with him permanently. He did the same thing with my son. I am getting fairly immune to this stuff. I know that in the end all will work out. My son is now in college and we have a very close and wonderful relationship. Ex appears to be threatened by our relationship. All I really want at this point in my life is for ex to just leave me alone. I am beginning to wonder if that will ever happen.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
