No one said you can't be nice. Detaching doesn't mean being a dick.
Just be civil, and yes -- be busy and often unavailable -- and then when you DO talk to her, be a good listener and don't pursue with things like what we call "temperature-checking" about your relationship.
Confident, upbeat, busy, often unavailable (but your unavailability needs to be tied to your BUSY-NESS, and not look like you're AVOIDING her).
no, I'm not being anything but civil and pleasant, however if I don't agree with something I let her know in a frim but nice way. I just meant she told me Saturday she didn't want me saying ILY or being "nice" as in flowers or compliments.
I've come back to thinking about this after reading about you willing to sell your farm and equipment, etc.... Are you willing to do this just to please your W in hopes of winning some points? Or, are you considering doing this for you?
If you're thinking of doing it just to please your W in hopes of winning some extra points back into her heart, don't.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
No, I have had enough of the farm and we had been planning it since the spring, just hadn't happened yet. This is just making it alright to get it over with and actually it is the only thing that is feeling *right* these last few days.
I have moved my things back into the master bedroom and made up the guest room. We'll see how it goes.
wel the moving back into the bedroom want about as well as I thought it would. She blew up
W - "You're changing your mind again. I don't know what game you are playing but you know I don't approve"
Me - "No, it's my bed and house just as it is yours and I am sleeping in my bed. I understand you don't like the idea so you can sleep downstairs if you need to."
W - "what else have you changed you mind about, you told me you'd sleep downstairs until you move out."
--- what I told her was since she needed space I would sleep downstairs. Shouldn't need space if she has her mind made up.
Me - "I'm sleeping in my bed"
end if discussion for now she walked off.
The kids wanted to play putt-putt and she was going to go with us (the kids called her and asked her, not me) but that did not happen. I took them anyway and we had a good time. She called me serveral times so I finally answered. She started up again, said we agreed it was over and now you pull this. I told her it was my turn and I had to go.
Started up again when we got home, ended about the same. She got her things and went into the guest bedroom taking her cell phone with her.
I am certainly feeling hurt she is so bothered by the idea of sleeping in the same room with me but not not like I thought I would be.
One thing I did take note of, she never threatened D. She did say "we agreed it was over" but did not say D.
So now back to GAL and LRT.
I know I am not supposed to care, but I can't help thinking that she is in there texting her EA.
I'm sure this is probably expected but W acted like she never blew up last night. Talking normally, trying to start conversations. Mainly about selling equipment - I did not engage in this discussion and my interview today. It looks like I will have to go back to a career that I was hoping not to go back to, but at least I can make a living. She has *suggested* several times in the past that I should go back and quit farming so she shouod be happy about that at least.
She was polite, upbeat, even said good night. Still sleeping downstairs. Took phone with her again but realized there is no alarm clock in there so it could be justified. It seems she went out of her way to make sure I noticed she had her rings on when she got home.
I'm confused...keep doing what I doing as far as LRT and GAL?
As I was reading through others sitches a question hit me but I can't figure it out. W has said, and I admit, that I did not value her, that she had lost her self esteme. How would I go about showing her what she means to me and how much value I hold for her as person and how much I truely respect her while staying back and giving her space.
Or have I answered my own question - stay back, give her space, listen intensly, eye contact, etc.
