Nothing new to report. Tonight was like the rest, W was a little more upbeat tonight. We didn't say much to each other, kids are now calling guest room mommy's and our room daddy's room. Its a little frustrating. Before I went to bed told the W we need to talk about finances. I am going to tell her since we r pretty much separated under the same roof we need to discuss splitting the bills. I have not said it yet, but she did agree to discuss finances.
I am not going to pay all the bills and let her save up a little nest egg. I am a bit edgy tonight, but didn't show much of it in front of her. I wish I could shut off like she does. But if I could then I wouldn't feel human I guess. I remember the term "alien" used quite a bit when I was on the site the last time. ET has returned home to my house. I am typing on my blackberry so if words are mispelled sorry.
you wish you could "shut it off" like she does, maybe she's a really good actor, in fact, let's assume she is a really good actor, maybe you could do some "good acting" too, you can do it ;-)
needed the boost. She is good at being this way, very stubborn. She did ask me this morning why I was edgy, on top of being that way last night, I received frustrating emails and phone calls before I left the house regarding work which just made it worse. I told her that I am up to my ears with crap at work and that is why I am being a bit edgy. She told me she did not sleep well last night, I did not reply. The dogs woke up and starting barking around 1:30 this morning, I got up and let them outside, W came down and asked what was going on, not like her to do so, I think she is wanting a little more interaction from me, dont know. I did make all of them banana pancakes this morning in just my boxers, tee hee. I know my W is still physically attracted to me so I rubbed it in a bit. Maybe that was a bad idea but I know she noticed.
It is a bit childish but we both tend to tease each other like that, ok I am starting to type some really lame crap, time to get to work.
... a car pulled up next to me with a license plate that said "xander". that is my sons name and I believe it was a sign for me to focus on my kids and be the father they need me to be.
THis will be a long road, whether it ends up with us together or not. All I can do is stay strong and do things for me and the kids.
Be a great father to your kids, part of that is being a great person for yourself, first and foremost, lead by example, set a great example, life a great life, even if that means without your wife.
Let her stew in her own juices, let her be angry, let her do whatever she needs to do, you can't control her, you can't reason with her, you said she previously had an affair, if how she is acting now is similar to that period of time, she could be in the middle of one now as well and if that's the case let her go.
Enjoy the day.
robx,
Most of these WAS's are the same. Like you said, you can't control them, you can't reason with them, and they probably won't tell you the truth even when confronted with physical evidence of their transgressions. I'm starting to think why should we even speak to them.
Another thing. Part of the formula for "cake" is that you love them, and you will not do anything because you are pining to be back with them. If you started up some stuff of your own, you could pretty much eliminate cake. Also a quick departure does the same thing, but neither of these is DB principles.
yes this is all true, just got an email from the W, asking how much would it be to cancel her line on our sprint account and she could go on her own. all i did was reply with a $200.00 text. left it at that. I am not going accuse or assume anything, jsut her trying to get a reaction again.
had a setback. Texted the W and told her if she wants her own phone account in case she is hiding something that is one thing, told her I am not going to waste my time digging through the records. She replied and said wow, that is not even what I was suggesting, and that she thought we didnt need to share the expense of her phone bill while we are going throught this "situation". She then asked me, what has gotten into you today, you were fine until today? so i beat myself up metally, texted back that I have had a bit of a setback, stressed out and apologized forthe text. She then asked what setback? I said I am working on myself to be a better man, father and husband. And I let work get to me. she writes Look... im glad you are working at getting better and I just want you to focus on you and your work, anything more than that will become difficult, dont you think?
I replied: I dont know the answer to that, trust me I dont think things should go back to status quo, I would like to slowly work on us. I feel we can have space for ourselves. I am starting to see god's path, our marriage as a covenant and the importance it has for us and our children. Her reply: Sounds like your reading a book. I replied: Books, church and just having a clearer head. Her reply: well Im glad for you. I replied: thanks
that is where it ended, did I overstep anything? did I plea or beg? we havent spoken much in the last week and a half, so I got a little bottled up and spilled some. Any input would be appreciated.
the more I think about what I did, the more I am kicking myself in the @$$. I went right into her hand again, after a week of being strong, i back tracked. Any thoughts from the above messges?
yes you did, you totally overstepped everything LOL! You know what, it's ok, beat yourself up over it (that's not a typo, I actually did say 'beat yourself up over it', it's good to know you made a mistake and you should be a little angry at yourself for making the mistake that you knew you shouldn't have made, next time do better), it's a setback but you're ok, no worries.
That was totally pursuing, it was totally begging, pleading, showing you're weak, clingy, especially after being so strong and not leaving the home.
Another analogy, you're playing texas hold 'em, you just showed her your cards, she knows your intentions, so you can't bluff anymore and she's won this round and the several others to come after this one since she knows how you play now.
Take a break from this, it's ok, you're allowed, give yourself permission to make mistakes as long as you make it a requirement to get back up after you fall down and keep moving forward.
I came home and the W is completely blahhhhh. She looks tired, beaten and distant. I snooped a bit and looked in her journal, she has been writing quotes from scripture about freedom, being happy and stuff like that. She wrote something that said we tried again, and its not working. She writes I want to be happy again, not rush in any direction, to take walks and be happy and laugh. Does she not realize all this has to do with her not me? There is no mention of any other person, as before with the A, she wrote about the other guy and bashed me. This time none of that, but not anything positive either, regarding us.
I guess she just cant be happy with me, that is what I am reading in her journal. I dont think any changes I make will make a difference unless she gets to where she needs to be on her own, not in our M. I am a little upset, obviously the first thing that comes to mind is wanting to fix things, I have to hold back and not try to "FIX" her.
Back to basics and letting her journal and complain about me and our M.
W is writing in her journal, I am on the computer. She has been a complete b**ch to me tonight. Yes the stepping back did not help. I am feeling reeally shitty right now, if you want to know why read the last couple posts. I have to stop fueling the fire, I can feel it that she is thinking the M is completely dead, nd I probably helped push her into it even more tonight.
