Hmmm....sent the email....no response yet. I know it's only been about 45 min. but H usually responds right away on his Blackberry or laptop. I'm not panicking, I just realized I didn't think of a response if he says No or what to do if he doesn't respond at all...
It will answer my last question before continuing in Confront mode that's for sure. It's definite proof that he does not plan on working on the marriage even though he has said so in the past. I guess my response is.... nothing???
Update: I did end up getting an email asking questions about costs, etc… I sent him all the information. Nothing back. He just called and I asked if he received the info. He said yes and basically said, “if that’s what we want to do I guess we can do it.” So… I’m registering! If he backslides on it, I'll say too bad - it's paid for, we're going or you can leave. (Not those exact words but that's my new line of thinking.
I talked to a counselor there and she said that they are very used to dealing with spouses in his mindset. He doesn’t have to want to be there, can even be mad about being there, as long as he’s there!
She is glad that I have read all the stuff I’ve read. She said everything they do is in line with tough love, etc… I told her I was very concerned it would seem like “pursuing” to make him come. She said it will not be that at all – even if he thinks that before arriving, he will understand it’s not when there.
The counselor advised that I not talk to H about the relationship at all before coming next weekend. So, my plan is to continue upping 180’s and GAL. Last night I went out for awhile. Told H I was going to study with some new friends from class. I really went and studied by myself, but he didn’t need to know that. Have made some changes in my clothing style, etc… that I think he will notice when he gets home. I actually stayed gone from 6:00-8:15 but he wasn’t home in time to notice that, darn it.
This is honestly a last ditch effort (the New Beginnings weekend) for me. I believe I have been totally enlightened now - with help from people here and no longer desire to be with H if real changes don’t occur in the relationship on HIS part! Allen helped me see that whether or not I can prove any kind of A, it doesn't matter: his behavior is still detrimental to our M, to me as a person, and to our family. I am willing to do the weekend thing before "confronting" (showing him the door) because he has indicated he is willing to work on M. I'm giving him this chance and it's a test in a way. If he fails it (backing out or comes home with the same mindset) then he can just go ahead and move out. I'm not going to say that to him, but this is it for me.
