Hi sweetie, just checking in to see how you are doing.
First things first.
While I know the thought of doing anything legally goes against what you believed in when you took your vows, do what you must to protect yourself financially. I, too, felt it was morally and religiously wrong to file. It cost me my financial future.
I finally realized that it is just a business transaction. The actual vows that I took before God, to love and honor, in sickness and in health, He knows are held in my heart.
IB, you seem to want to follow a specific road throughout this. And when you are dealing with MLC, there are many curves and turns.
There is no right or wrong way, only your way. So, while it is important to try to understand your part in the problems in your marriage, don't get hung up on it. It is far more important for you to try to figure out the things about yourself that you want to change.
And it matters not what stage your h is in. It really doesnt. He is going to go on this journey in his own time and in his own way. Let him.
What I really want for you to know is this. You and I and many people on here have become so wrapped up in our spouses' life, trying to make them happy and we become so entrenched in being a mom or dad, trying to make our kids happy, that we lose ourselves. We forget who we are, and our wants and needs.
And that, I think, is one of the best things to learn from all this. We cannot be responsible for anyone's happiness but our own. And the best thing we can do in a relationship, be it wife or mother is to be whole and to let them find their own way, their own fulfillment. We should be enhancing their lives, not living it. We should be the best person we can be. We should let them find their own way in the world, find their own happiness. Those are the best gifts we can give those we love.
So, become the person you were meant to be. Learn who you are, find your strength, find out what makes you happy. Give your children wings.
As far as your h is concerned, there is no reason to contact him about the house or the kids. If he wants info, he will contact you. He doesnt want responsibilities. He is in crisis and trying to figure this all out. Let him.
You, on the other hand, have an opportunity here. I dont want to see you lose out on it.
This is a journey you were meant to go on, my friend. And it could be a wonderful, fulfilling, life changing one. So, seize it with gusto.
Pretend that your h has gone away and there are no means of communication right now.
