Number 8's Revelations, Mistakes, and New Methods

[Number 8]

Thanks, CityGirl, for your response. I took a break from here to do some long overdue home renovations. I also think I just needed a little time away from the boards. I guess everyone needs some time away every now and then.

I don't think you are crazy (and trust me, I know crazy 'cause I am crazy, lol!).

Love this! I think I know crazy, too, as it turns out!

Without hope or optimism what do we really have? IMO the best thing to do is find a healthy balance between hope/optimism and reality. And the reality is at this time your H is divorcing you and the two of you are in the legal phase to dissolve your marriage. It is painful, it is adverse and a million other things that are hard to articulate in one single post.

Extremely well put. A healthy balance between hope and reality is important. I think I vacillate between the two on a regular basis.

I don't think WAS simply wake up one day and change their mind. It is a very, very slow progression if it happens at all. And really, it takes so much time that if it does happen the LBS is in a much different head space. But the changing of the mind does not equal the changing that needs to take place and that is the key issue.

After several months, I finally have begun to accept that it's REALLY not all fault that this happened. On an intellectual level, I knew this, but it's hard to accept on an emotional level. H would have to do a lot of work, too, and I realize that I've changed and grown a great deal since he's been gone.

My H could come back right now and I can promise you that we would have a ball doing the stuff we used to do. But when it came down to the brass tacks of communication and such, I don't think much would be different with him. This is not speculation as it is apparent when we do have exchanges he still views things the same way.

Yes. I could foresee this in my situation as well.

Our 11 yr. wedding anniversary just passed and my H texted me on that day. This is the 3rd anniversary we have been apart and he has been with OW. To him he was being nice and thoughtful. To me it was very insensitive and when I told him that I got the usual "nothing I do is good enough". IMO when you cheat on somebody, divorce them and remain in a R with the mistress for THERE years you don't text your exW on the wedding anniversary. It is cruel. To him he was being a good guy. Sure, it's nice to be thought of but it never dawned on him how it would make me feel.

Yikes. What a misguided thought he had. And of course, he turned it around to be about HIM. Ugh.

If you let go or not your H has already moved on to a much higher degree than you have. It is painful but true.

So, no, you are not crazy. You are human and all humans need hope. Sometimes though we have to adjust what we hope for based on reality.

Again, very well put. Thank you very much for sharing this.