Puppy Advice

[steady]

But when it comes down to fighting her then what's the point?

I do think it's different when there's infidelity. If one goes with the basic premise that affairs are highly ADDICTIVE (and I do), then you have to rightly view your spouse as an ADDICT. With that as your model, I think it's reasonable to assume you would try and fight for them, and for the marriage, for some reasonable amount of time. At some point, that noble fight jumps the shark and becomes some combination of pathetic, emasculating and emotionally damaging, and you have to let them go, just as you would not allow a drowning person to pull you under with them.

Puppy

Puppy I totally agree. At some point I think they all are like Addicts. They dream of a fantasy where their internal worlds will be straightened out once they get rid of 'the problem'. They become addicted to the path they've chosen where they can't even see any evidence or point of view which goes against the direction they're facing.

I know this is true for my W. I watched it over and over. She ejected anyone who played devils advocate with her and went against her rationalization; I watched as she irrationally rationalized away reality.

I didn't have to deal with infidelity (at least not that I was aware of) and I can easily see how that adds another layer on top of a WAS without an OP. I really feel for anyone here who has to deal with an OP.

I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know I did everything that I possibly could do with the tools I had. I can't expect anything else from myself. I can honestly hold my head high with the knowledge I didn't quit or fail.

I think in any sitch there comes a point where it becomes painfully obvious that fighting does become 'pathetic, emasculating and emotionally damaging...'.

It's like dealing with an alcoholic. No matter what anyone says, no matter what evidence is put in front of that person, the power of their denial either rationalizes it away or makes it as if what you are trying to show them is invisible.

It isn't until they 'get it' that the change begins to happen. I've seen it so many times in all kinds of situations.

But like I said, I found myself beating my head up against a wall. There was nothing left to fight except her. And I won't fight her in order to convince her to become committed to our M. My past experience shows it just doesn't work.