After Exposure - Keep It Going

[TimeHeals]

I don't understand about the dogs.

It's your choice what you are going to do about the dogs, QS.

Do what you think is the right thing to do.

[Allen A]

Thank you Mike, I had'nt even considered inviting roomies to stay to keep the house.

QS I think Mike has a great idea there about sharing the house in order to keep it.

I don't understand why you can't keep the dogs yourself... why do they have to go with her? If YOU have a house and SHE only has an apartment then they belong in the house... espcially if they are med or large dogs...

My only concern with your strategy QS is this consistent beating you give yourself convincing yourself that your wife wants to be far away from you...

She does NOT. SHe wants to escape her pain and how miserable she feels. SHe has the idea that it will go away when you do... It does NOT... it will go away for a few weeks but it will come back to haunt her...

You seem to want to beat yourself up and think YOU are the source of yoru wife's misery.. SHe's not your responsability dude... She has to make herself happy just like you do.. wtihout hurting each other that is...

YOU are doing that... SHE is not...

SHe's not escaping you QS, she's deluded into thinking when you are distant how miserable she feels will go away and won't ever come back... She's mistake... and if you believe her then you are mistaken too...

[Quicksilver264]

Well she will be gone the entire last 3 weeks of August.

And by then she will have her apartment least ready to be signed.

And I understand she wants to RUN FROM THE PAIN. I get that.

But she associates ME with the PAIN.

And I am just worried like any addict that she is going to go looking for her "fix" in other guys to ease that pain.

As for me, I am actually OK with putting the house up for sale. In this market, IT AINT GONNA SELL FOR A WHILE!

So we don't see each other for 3 weeks in Aug, she moves into her place, and the house doesn't sell.

Meanwhile I have a SPACIOUS house and NO HER. I can focus on ME, and she will have to struggle with a mortgage and RENT.

I just have to learn how to deal with the fact she will be banging other guys. I just guess I have to let her run as far and fast as she wants, and just watch as she may run off a cliff or down a dark alley.

[Allen A]

Yup.. let her run... She has an opportunity with you if she finds the courage and maturity... If she doens't... you don't want that anyways...

I look at it this way : if they find the maturity to return, great, if they don't find that maturity, you don't want to babysit her for the rest of your life.

This is her chance to grow up...

[Allen A]

See if you can get some guys to room with you in the house.. it will take a lot of the stress off you.

If she does find a guy for a fix she will end up miserable and hating herself and her choices just like she is now...

She thinks avoiding you will escape her pain but it won't... she may find some distractions short term but anyone willing to satisfy her childishness, all these girlfriends of hers included, will end up being a bitter dissappointment.

YOU want to be in a GOOD place and STAY there. For two reasons :

a. You own health and happiness
b. As an attractive place to return to for her

You don't have to TAKE her back.. but when she hits rock bottom and calls you up you can enjoy saying "no thanks"

Either way you want to be in a good place.

Look for a better job so you can buy the house, get some buddies to room with etc.

[Quicksilver264]

I don't know how that would work. I order for me to get the house I have to be approved for the refinance loan.

I cant with my current pay now.

But if I do get my own apartment, I can get a 3 bedroom and room with a friend, and still have space for an office or entertainment room. Have a true "guy" pad and let the wife run on auto destruct.

[Mike.4545]

I understand about the refinance part. Luckily...my wife does not want me to lose the house and I'm pretty sure she'll leave her name on the title until I can qualify for a refinanced loan.

Any chance your wife would do this for you as long as you can prove to her that you'll maintain on-time payments?

[Allen A]

You rent the other space out in the house... Or the three of you go in together to buy teh house equally...

Etiehr their rent or their credit will get you the house... either waay is fine

[TimeHeals]

And I understand she wants to RUN FROM THE PAIN. I get that.

But she associates ME with the PAIN.

Pain, guilt, addiction... yes addiction. She wants to ride a blue unicorn into the LaLa Land sunset.

Won't happen.

I wouldn't worry about what somebody who wants to ride a blue unicorn into the sunset associates you with unless it is hamsters.

Seriously.

Reality will return, and then even if she never sees you again, she'll know at some level it wasn't you, and that she treated you badly.

You really need to detach a bit more.

[Quicksilver264]

You know it is getting really, really sad with her.

She's trying soooooo hard to get this guy to find a place with her.

She told her mom "there's absolutely no way I'd start anything with this guy", and "he's too young". WOW. What a habitual liar. Even to her mom.

Then she chats with him on Facebook all cute and suggestive, and looks up his family business, and at his photos.

I mean she is trying to get an apartment with a guy who is COMPLETELY unsure if he can afford it or not and she says:

"we can work something out with the finances"

LMFAO. She may very well only make him pay 40% of the rent and utilities (see above) in the hopes she can get him into bed and have a nice little place with a young guy.

She is a complete and total mess right now.

The more I run intel on her the more I see just how bad she is getting. The lies, the deceit, the manipulation. It is all just so completely PATHETIC.

"Self destruct has been activated. Countdown to auto-initiate T minus 45 days and counting. Please proceed to escape pods immediately."