After Exposure - Keep It Going

[DaddyLongShanks]

But we will be divorced by the end of November. She could still be doing him by then. OR CHEATING ON HIM TOO!!!!!

Once it is FINAL for me there is NO GOING BACK.

She WILL learn the HARD way I guess. It just costs me my marriage, dogs, house, and thousands of dollars too.

Plus the house might be sold, she will be in a 1 years lease, and have banged God knows how many guys.

There's NOOOOO way I reconcile after that. That's starting over from LESS than square -100

Once you start rebuilding, if you two are done. Stay out of her reality, and KEEP her out of your reality. All of us know how you feel.

The new thinking once you are clear of this situation is opportunities and handling your business.

[DaddyLongShanks]

It's her grave she's diggin man... You can see the writing on the wall...

Imagine this was your daughter and she came to you and told you

"There s ahot guy at work. I dont' know him but I am gonna ask him to let me move in with him."

I imagin you would tell her she's a damn fool yes?

Just throw away that phone number and don't follow in your wife's footsteps... she's headed for trouble and will kick herself one day and you can have a sad chuckle at that time.

How do we know this guy isn't gay, in a relationship, or wants a bachelor pad to sew his wild oats on a different young woman each night...

Guys that young like their space... I can imagine a hundred reasons why he would say no.

He might just want a HOT MILF room mate that he sexes every once in a while while he does his thing.

[Allen A]

You both are terribly naieve if you think that setup works very long... friends with benefits and all that other nonsense crashes and burns very quickly

[DaddyLongShanks]

You both are terribly naieve if you think that setup works very long... friends with benefits and all that other nonsense crashes and burns very quickly

I know of males that age with no responsibilities. They don't look that far into the future. Plus what they may do when it does crash and burn is random. They might look at the theatrics in their apartment as a show they choose to participate from time to time, and laugh about it with all their buddies. Its not a responsibility thing, thats for sure.

[TimeHeals]

DLS, I don't see how feeding his fear is helping any. If anything, I think he's quite adept at feeding it himself and would be better served letting go of his fear and just looking forward to a better life... however that comes about.

[Allen A]

Exactly... and it is SHORT LIVED...

This nonsense about wayward spouses running off into the sunset having great lives after divorce is just that... nonsense...

Freinds with benefits and casual sex crashes and burns... sometimes unpleasantly with an STD

Remarry? Did you know the divorce rate for second marriages is much HIGHER than the first marriage of 50%? Yes HIGHER.. that's because these people took their baggage, their scars, miseducation, and myths about marriage right into a new one instead of staying and doing the work to learn how marriages survive...

The long term success rates for affair couples is less than 1%

Staying and doing the work to understand what commitment means and how to keep it alive is the best game in town... If you aren't at that table you are eating fast food and doomed for an ill life long term

[Quicksilver264]

DLS, I don't see how feeding his fear is helping any. If anything, I think he's quite adept at feeding it himself and would be better served letting go of his fear and just looking forward to a better life... however that comes about.

I don't disagree with you there TH. But it's just not divorce I am dealing with.

I have a dog I am going to lose, who over the last 4 months I have taken care of day in and out. I mean on Friday I have to walk into the Vet's office and be there for her as they put her down. I am also losing another dog, who has been my world too.

My family is older and very sick, and can't really be there to support me without endangering their healths. One of my parents is dead, and the other had a big heart attack back in the beginning of June. It is only a matter of time before I really am alone. I always thought that my wife and in laws would be there for me, but they now will not.

So yes, my biggest fear is losing my wife to another man, where he has her, her family, my dog, and future children with her. Even another man just having sex with her hurts me, because I know it should be me. There, I said it and it is out there.

It takes EVERYTHING I have to make it through a day. EVERYTHING. I have to force myself every day to get through work and keep my game face on. Then being at home with her at night taps into my reserves and puts me into negatives.

I ran two horrible exposures, and saw the depths to which my wife wants to have her freedoms with other men.

But I have to pick myself up each time, and just carry on somehow. I KNOW I am fighting a losing and flailing battle trying to keep this house. My finances just aren't what they need to be. I'd lose MORE dignity having to beg for money or face foreclosure just to stay in a house that was our first home together. All for some "memories" and the pipe dream she will come around.

So until the day she moves out, I am going to DB with absolutely EVERYTHING I have left in me. I now have the proverbial "who to save" choice. I can save ME, or I can die trying to save my marriage. I HAVE TO SAVE ME, and hope the Marriage is saved by a miracle if it is meant to be.

[Mike.4545]

For what it's worth QS: My wife moved out very soon after dropping the bomb on me and after me finding out about her affair. It's been about 2 months since then, and I can honestly say it's quite a bit easier not having to see her or talk to her every day. I don't know why, but it is. It was harder at first, but I'm actually starting to enjoy some of my freedom to do whatever the hell I want...when I want. I have all the same feelings you have...horrible mental images, mental what-ifs, what's she up to right now, who's she with...etc. I think once you have some time on your own...you'll start to feel a bit better and your days will become more manageable...with less and less of these feelings. It has for me at least.

What keeps me moving forward and may help you:

- Fitness: I focus on exercise and eating right. I look better now than I have since I was 18. I lost 35 pounds, I'm cut, and I love it. And I know it will help me in the future if I have to start looking for another hot chick!

- Friends: How's your network of friends? I'm blessed with a lot of really great friends that I try to spend as much time with as possible. They've been going out of their way to help me through this, and we've been having a lot of fun together lately. Single friends are even better to hang out with =O) If you don't have a lot of friends, get out there and try to make some!

- Movies: I'm beating up the local Red-Box and watching a lot of movies lately. I don't feel as lonely at night when I'm into a good movie...and I don't have to sit through any chick-flicks either! All the guns, explosions, aliens, and fighting movies I want!

- Pets: We have a 7 month-old puppy that is a great companion in lonely times. I have basically raised her single handed and told my wife I was keeping her. I was lucky because my wife didn't have a problem with that. Try to get custody of at least one of your dogs...They can really bring up your spirit when things are dark. I don't know what I'd do without my puppy!

- Hobbies: It's really hard to focus on the things you like to do when you're miserable...but force it. I force myself to focus on favorite hobbies when I have nothing else to do but sit around and think of painful crap.

- Think about the future: This can be really difficult to do...but if everything is going to come to an end, then at some point you're going to meet a new woman. I think about how everything will be new and exciting again with that new girl. I'll get the same thrill that my wife is getting now, and I'll have made the personal improvements essential to making that relationship successful long-term...while I imagine my wife being set up for failure. HAHAHA! When you got married, you never thought you'd get the chance to do this again...you gotta remember that meeting new women and sharing your life and the things you like to do, is fun! You might get to do that again. Even though right now you don't even want to, when it happens...you gotta realize that you'll really have fun courting a new woman.

I dumped as much reality and pressure on her affair as I could. I make sure any last impressions my wife has of me are positive and pleasant...and that she has seen my efforts to improve myself as a person.

I know I've done about everything I could in a respectable, mature, and honorable fassion.

If you can do the same, you'll be able to let her go and soldier on for yourself without regret and start to find you're own individual happiness again.

=O)

[Mike.4545]

On a side note...when my wife moved out, I made sure to send ALL of our wedding/engagement/couple photos with HER. I didn't need any additional reminders of her around me on a daily basis.

I also do NOT listen to sad songs, or songs that had special meaning to us.

Do NOT give yourself the ability to sit around looking at old photos and listening to meaningful couple songs in misery. Get all that crap out of your life as fast as possible!

[Mike.4545]

Another side note:

Have you thought about renting out your house? getting a friend to move in with you? just finding a roommate on Craig's list?

I didn't want to lose my house...so I got two friends to move in with me. Now I can afford to keep the house and will have friends to hang out with on a daily basis.