PTSD is an ugly thing, I know first hand, although for different reasons. It has a lot of power and it paralyzes you. But you can overcome it, you can. With time, and work and patience with yourself.
Rlay - know this - you are strong, you are beautiful, you are loving, you are kind, you are worthy ... because you ARE. Period. It's hard to hear isn't it? You don't really believe me do you? That's what we need to work on, and you know what? You're here so that my friend is step one. Think about the love you are receiving here, from complete strangers who love you enough already to walk along side you as you take this journey - helping prop you up when you feel weak and pushing you when you want to turn around. Sweetie, you can do this. Nobody said it was easy, but I guarentee you it's worth it. Nothing worth having is easy.
Honey, let go of the fantasy. Maybe H treated you like that briefly when you first got together, maybe not. I don't know. What I do know is that none of it, and I mean NONE OF IT was your fault, EVER. Do you hear me? EVER. I don't care what you said, what you did, who you talked to, what you wore, how burnt dinner was or how dirty the house was. There is no excuse, no reason, no explanation that justifies how you were treated. NONE.
I'm a big believer in using what ever it takes to help motivate you. In this case it might help to remember that you now have a golden opportunity to teach your sons about self worth, self respect, respect for others, compassion and loving detachment. Go easy on yourself, remember that this is a process and it won't all happen overnight. Be kind to yourself.
Start looking for the silver linings ...
... quality time with your boys ... coming up with creative ways to spend time with the boys ... the smell of clothes freshly dried outside instead of in the dryer ... you're doing the environment a favor by using less electricity ... the opportunity to walk and explore your neighborhood instead of driving so much
I'm grabbing these from your post above, and they're just examples, but you can see where I'm going with this ... all challenges are opportunities ...
Hope can get you through this as well. Hope that you now have a future free from physical and emotional abuse. Hope that you can now model healthy self image for your boys. Hope that you now have an OPPORTUNITY to really discover yourself and uncover what you might do with your life with the fear of unfair and abusive consequences removed. HOPE lives Rlay, more than ever.
(((Rlay))) Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
