I didn't respond to the first text from her...so she sent another one. Here it is...
"You have never given a crap about my family. You showed that every chance you got, especially when they would come and visit. Remember those fun times? When you made them feel so uncomfortable in our home. And you wouldn't even let them stay with us. Then when they would leave and say for us to come and visit...I knew good and well the next time I would see them was when they'd come back. And I'm sure they were planning their next trip seeing as how welcome you made them feel. And you continue to show you don't give a crap about them by keeping their grandson from them. Wonder how you would have felt if your parents kept you from your grandparents. Or how would your grandparents have felt if they weren't able to see you? And ironically you still 'are' now what you 'were' then".
Incidentally, her parents have both told me (during the separation) that they have forgiven me for being the way that I used to be. I've also apologized to my STBXW for 19 months straight...not only about this, but everything! Also, my parents, who live in the same town that STBXW and I both do, haven't seen my daughter since the beginning of last March for the same reasons that I haven't!
Again, isn't there some hypocrisy here on her part?
And again, how would I respond to this text?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
The previous text was S related so I suggested replying but don't reply to this one...I guess she's having guilt trips and she's trying to convince herself that she made the right decision by rehashing all the past and blaming you for everything.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
'IF' she is having guilt trips, and she's trying to convince herself that she made the right decision...is there anything I could communicate to her that would influence her to think that she made the wrong decision?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
No, unfortunately there's nothing you can say that will make her think that way. The best you can do is adopt two approaches:
1. Ignore anything from her unless it pertains to your kids or finances until the D is done.
2. If you really want to and I don't think it's a good idea at this point you can validate her VERY briefly "I'm sorry you feel that way" - but then she'll respond and then you'll want to respond and it goes no where.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
No, unfortunately there's nothing you can say that will make her think that way. The best you can do is adopt two approaches:
1. Ignore anything from her unless it pertains to your kids or finances until the D is done.
2. If you really want to and I don't think it's a good idea at this point you can validate her VERY briefly "I'm sorry you feel that way" - but then she'll respond and then you'll want to respond and it goes no where.
Well, I've validated her feelings for 19 months already. While it may have been good for me, and I felt that it was appropriate to do that for her, especially with me having been the way that I was...I honestly haven't seen that it accomplished a single good thing regarding the way she feels about me.
The trial is scheduled for next Wednesday.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
ant, Do not respond to such hate-spewing, demonizing baiting.
Originally Posted By: antlers
Well, I've validated her feelings for 19 months already...I honestly haven't seen that it accomplished a single good thing regarding the way she feels about me.
That'a one looong cheeseless tunnel, friend.
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
ant, Do not respond to such hate-spewing, demonizing baiting.
Originally Posted By: antlers
Well, I've validated her feelings for 19 months already...I honestly haven't seen that it accomplished a single good thing regarding the way she feels about me.
That'a one looong cheeseless tunnel, friend.
Peace,
May have been, but I felt like it was necessary...maybe not for 19 months...but she walked on eggshells for a helluva long time. That's a hard way for someone to have to live. I wish it would have done some good between she and I...but it didn't. She seems to hate me as much now as at any time during the last 19 months. I was told by the GAL that a trial would be worse for me, worse for her, and worse for the kids. My attorney contacted them about mediation...with the hopes that a trial could be avoided. No go. She wants to go the scortched earth litigation route...the members of the shattered family be damned! Especially the kids. They are so shattered and torn. It's a shame. Anyway, gotta 'man-up' for the trial, since it's just around the corner.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Don't worry about the trial too much, your L will be with you. To them it's a routine as well as for the judges. Besides she's probably feeling the same anxiety as you if not worse.
Hang in there...things will start to get better when the legal crap is over.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Ugh, Antlers. Those messages she sent you were quite cruel. don't get defensive if and when you do respond to her. Just be cool as a cucumber. As for your son, has he explained to her that he wishes to stay with you at the time?
