Another thought making me feel more like moving away than standing, is that my M as I knew it is over. That because of the changes that I need to make for me, and the process that H will go through, we will come out different on the other side which would provide a different M if it gets to that point.
This totally jumped out at me. Standing does not mean standing for the "old" M. Acknowledging that your old M is over is good. You're right, it is. Gone. Done. Dead. Now, IMO, Grit is right (he's written a LOT about it) ... this process of self examination, really getting to know oneself and discovering your truth, your strength, your compassion, starts with Standing and evolves. The journey that the LBS takes is as important as the MLCer's journey, and we are just as vulnerable emotionally. The changes you talk about making for you ... start THERE. Protect your heart, do the work, and you'll know your own timeline as it unfolds. You do not have a crystal ball so don't go spending your time in the future, you will have a new R someday ... with your H, with someone else, whatever ... when you are ready for it, you will understand that it only compliments you, not completes you.
Detachment doesn't mean you stop loving someone, it means you are no longer emotionally invested in THEIR choices, actions, thoughts and words. I tried so many different tactics to detach ... and you know what, one day I just got it. It's his life. Did my H make a mistake? I believe so. Will he grow to regret his decision someday? I think eventually, maybe he will. But what I am comfortable with now, is my understanding that it's life, his choices, and his mistake to make. My happiness, sense of self worth and identity are no longer tied to my H. That's been the gift I've received on this journey. Think about it - there are people fighting illness, starving, who've litterally lost everything, been beaten, bruised and broken who, on a daily basis, CHOOSE to be happy. It comes from within. Stop giving that power to someone else. Own it. CHOOSE it.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
