You seemed to hit the nail on the head with the depression thing. I have thought the exact same thing for a long time now. When he moved out for a week last summer and then came back he said he didn't know what was wrong with him or why he was so unhappy and unable to deal with things at times. Sounded like depression to me, but of course not to him. Every time he would leave and come back I would want us to talk about whatever the possible issues were and he of course would not. He is not a great communicator at all. I blame myself for not pushing the communication issue with him, but was always afraid that it would push him out the door, and in the end it didn't matter anyway. I have told him that I don't know how he can look at himself in the mirror knowing that rather than communicate with me what it was that he was missing in the marriage, that he chose to walk away and turn to other women. I felt our marriage and our children deserved so so much more than that.
Yeah, the divorce diet is an amazing thing. I couldn't eat for crap for a long time, and sometimes I still have little to no appetite. I have lost 24 lbs since him leaving on April 10, but I am now actively trying to eat healthy, walking when I can, and trying to lose more weight. Losing about 15 more pounds will put me back to where I was before our 1st child.
I still have some down moments, but am also getting to the point where I am very very angry...at him and even at myself. When I met him I considered myself to be an attractive and intelligent woman with alot to offer. During the past 10 years I watched him continue to do whatever he wanted when he wanted, while I also worked full time, went back to school for my Master's degree online, took care of our daughters by myself, did all the housework and anything and everything having to do with the running of our household and family. There was no time for myself or any outside interests. I am angry at him for thinking it was ok for our marriage to be that way, and also angry at myself for allowing it.
Even though we have been separated for only 4 months, this marriage has more than likely been over for a long time, at least in his eyes. I know I am really not ready to spend time with any other men, but I find myself looking around with interest. I don't know if it is partly to do with showing him that I can do it too(which is really screwed up) or also partly looking for someone to show me and make me feel all the those things I haven't felt about myself in so long. Either way, nothing good can come from any of that and I know that.
In answer to someone else, yes there is part of me that still hopes the marriage can be saved, but I feel that I have tried all by myself for so long and prayed and prayed for it, all to no avail. I am not sure I have it in me to try anymore or wait anymore. It saddens me to feel that way. But he is seemingly happy with OW2, giving her the affection I haven't seen in I don't know when. My kids already knew her, because we were sort of friends, so they do like her and they like her 3 kids. Her kids seem to like him a great deal also. If and when I allow myself to think about it all too much, it just gets me even more down and depressed. It may not work out with OW2 which is honestly what I expect, but I don't know if it matters anymore.
I believe that I will do as you all have suggested, and will probably be filing myself in September when I have the money unless by some miracle he comes up with the money before then himself, which is doubtful. And you all have given me some things to think about that I had not really considered, like child support until age 23 or so and I do think that an increase in support is a very reasonable expectation on my part if his income goes up. In our state, I believe you can go back to child support and ask for more if the ex's income goes up by a certain percentage. He of course wanted me to agree some time ago, that I wouldnt ask for more. I eventually just dropped the fight and figured I would just do what I needed to when the time came. He recently applied for another job that would more than double his income. He hasn't heard anything as of yet, but I am watching and waiting.
Thanks for all the advice and although I am sad to be here, I look forward to chatting with all of you as I try to navigate through all of this and hopefully in the end find the person I used to be.
