After Exposure - Keep It Going

[Quicksilver264]

DLS, I don't see how feeding his fear is helping any. If anything, I think he's quite adept at feeding it himself and would be better served letting go of his fear and just looking forward to a better life... however that comes about.

I don't disagree with you there TH. But it's just not divorce I am dealing with.

I have a dog I am going to lose, who over the last 4 months I have taken care of day in and out. I mean on Friday I have to walk into the Vet's office and be there for her as they put her down. I am also losing another dog, who has been my world too.

My family is older and very sick, and can't really be there to support me without endangering their healths. One of my parents is dead, and the other had a big heart attack back in the beginning of June. It is only a matter of time before I really am alone. I always thought that my wife and in laws would be there for me, but they now will not.

So yes, my biggest fear is losing my wife to another man, where he has her, her family, my dog, and future children with her. Even another man just having sex with her hurts me, because I know it should be me. There, I said it and it is out there.

It takes EVERYTHING I have to make it through a day. EVERYTHING. I have to force myself every day to get through work and keep my game face on. Then being at home with her at night taps into my reserves and puts me into negatives.

I ran two horrible exposures, and saw the depths to which my wife wants to have her freedoms with other men.

But I have to pick myself up each time, and just carry on somehow. I KNOW I am fighting a losing and flailing battle trying to keep this house. My finances just aren't what they need to be. I'd lose MORE dignity having to beg for money or face foreclosure just to stay in a house that was our first home together. All for some "memories" and the pipe dream she will come around.

So until the day she moves out, I am going to DB with absolutely EVERYTHING I have left in me. I now have the proverbial "who to save" choice. I can save ME, or I can die trying to save my marriage. I HAVE TO SAVE ME, and hope the Marriage is saved by a miracle if it is meant to be.