P.S. If that's not how you get to forgiveness with her, that's fine. The point is to really open up and give her a compassionate, honest, intimate answer.
If her question is sincere, she really is scared about trying to have a life with you and you being a reminder of what she has done. She doesn't know if she can deal with being constantly confronted by a self she doesn't like.
Show her there is a way to heal and to forgive herself.
BTW, a big road block is going to be her XH. How does she forgive herself without forgiving him? Really, she probably can't, but it is perhaps time for her to forgive both herself and him.
