I'm sorry this is proving such a difficult path for you. Sometimes God has plans to shape us in ways that a sprint doesn't induce, as painful as they may be. Other times it's simply some combination of each of our free choices that we make along the way.
Remember, when in doubt, say to your wife in the instances eithe "I decided I was no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair," or, "I decided he should know the truth." Also good is "Everything I have done, I have done to try to fight for our marriage and our family."
Those are all hard to argue with.
I'm glad you saw an atty today. As the Word tells us, "There is wisdom in many counselors."
