Things are ok. Maintaining. Not sure what I'm doing yet, but just letting it ride for the meantime and staying watchful.
He still won't go for counseling. I only mentioned it to him Sunday because he was crying pretty hard and very sad and kept telling me that he doesn't understand why he feels this way. He's messed up and can't let go of the past. I asked if he would consider counseling and he said he didn't see himself doing that. He can't talk to anyone about this and just wants this to all end. Honestly, I don't see myself handling this for much longer. He got better the next day and told me that he is working some things through in his head and making a conscious effort to let go of some things he is hold on to. That is good for him, doesn't answer anything for me though and it's going to have to be addressed soon.
We went to pick up some ice cream Monday night and he launched into wanting to move back to CA but he doesn't want to leave Marc. He asked me what I would feel if he moved. I held it close to my chest because I don't think it would be right for my feelings to influence him in what he does for himself. I told him that I love having him with me and I think we are building a good R but he needs to do what feels right to him. He poo pooed that one and said that whenever he makes a decision that he thinks will be good for him it always hurts someone else. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, danged if you do, danged if you don't stuff. Blech. I just kept validating what he was saying without offering any unwanted advice. I just let him talk.
Again....I have no answers and I'm getting plenty tired of it. There is no good way to get those answers without it seeming like I'm trying to back him into a corner. If he wants to be with me and make a go of it then he needs to decide that for himself without my influence.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
