I really think you continue to do a good job of thinking about things, whether you or her or the two of you as a duo. One thing that sudden singleness is good for is thinking, and it seems to me that you are reaching the point where you can think about these things, even to great depths, without spiraling downward. That's a good thing I think.
I was struck with a thought by this comment...
Quote:
I think this relationship has loosened its grip on me enough now, that I'm starting to be able to admit things to myself that I didn't before. How much I had stuffed. How much I had not said, how much I had enabled through trying to be supportive.
My experience in a 20+ year marriage, and now through a new two plus year marriage is that we all tend to do a significant amount of leaving things unsaid.
Perhaps as we navigate through life as a couple we think that some things just don't need to be said - maybe we think they would do more harm than good, I'm not sure.
I doubt that there are many marriages out there that could go through the kind of separation/divorce situations we all have endured and not do some looking back to find what now appear to be negative communication patterns - maybe even some enabling of a sort.
Take this observation of yours and place it along side all the rest, but I would hesitate to give it any more significance than any of the others.
While none of us here are privy to the whole you or the whole story of your relationship, nothing you've shared through these months has come across to me as though your wife was a terminally flawed person. Which is not to say that she does not have some significant issues.
My guess is that even with what you are now realizing, if her raionality began to see the light of day again, there is still a nucleus of love and commitment that could be rekindled.
And now I feel compelled to share with you that I am NOT trying to keep you on a hook for her. I share these things because I actually do believe that your relationship COULD be rebuilt at some point down the line. All I hope for you right now is that you reach peace and balance, and that you do not burn bridges unnecessarily along the way.
Believer or not (and I'm not sure if you meant religious or DB'ing) your tale is not yet told. Continue to tackle each day as though there is something fresh to be discovered. Suck every last drop out of every day, then let the chips fall where they may.
Strength, honor, and integrity.
Bill
Last edited by Bworl; 07/21/1007:29 PM.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
