[quote=gucci loafer] I advocate a version of Harley's "Plan A/Plan B" approach, where you FIRST stand and fight for the marriage, including aggressively fighting to bust any affairs, and THEN -- when you've had enough -- you do the "Letting go" thing, possibly even filing for divorce.
No two people are alike in how long they can "hold out," and different wayward spouses are going to react differently to how long they perceive "holding out" as just your fear and passivity, and lot of it depends on how you carry yourself thru the whole thing. For me, it was less than 2 months between discovery of my wife's affair and letting her go, but I spent that two months VERY MUCH fighting for my marriage and my family, with everything I had.
Puppy
I agree with this. I fought like hell for my M in the beginning. I jumped through all the hoops. Made the changes. Put my issues on the table in MC. She didn't.
Once she said she didn't want to try any more, I went plan B and worked my butt off to let go. That's where my focus went. How unattractive to chase someone who clearly states they do not want me.
I did that once in HS. My girlfriend started to get involved with another guy. I approached him and asked him to back off. Basically pushed her back into an R with me. The first time we hung out I remember sitting there thinking, "WTF? This is ridiculous. I basically forced her to return to me." I got up, told her I made a mistake and left. I swore never to do that again.
I showed my W that she, my M and my family were important enough to me to fight. And fight I did, with everything I had.
But when it comes down to fighting her then what's the point?
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
