IMO - the basis of EVERY good, solid and strong R is "friendship". So to remain friends is a very very good thing.
Go read Holly thread - she appears to be reconciling Post D.
You sound good today.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
If you can afford it, I highly recommend speaking with a relationship coach such as the ones offered on this site. Anyone else you talk to, including me, sees everything through the limited scope of their own experience. Individuals generally aren’t aware of the differences in approach that the differences in your situation may require. The professionals, on the other hand, have experience with hundreds and even thousands of cases. They have seen most of their cases through to the end and can advise you with some confidence and authority.
I agree. My H and I have discussed that very point. But for some reason he thinks tearing someone's (not mine) clothes off is exaclty what he wants right now. If he could, he probably would tell me all the intimate details just like a BFF. yuck..perish the thought. yuck.
Wow..that was weird. when i answered Jack's post, my computer hung up and I couldn't get back into this forum for nothin. I shut down Internet Explorer, and even shut down my computer and restarted it. I actually had to go to a browser, go to the Divorce Busting website and then go to the community section to get back in. That was weird..never happened to me before.
Making progress..can you recommend one of the counselors in particular that you personally worked with or know someone who has? And can you tell me about how much it costs?
Bradley..how did you decide on the things that were going to be a part of the life you want? did you sit down and write down what you wanted in life, specifically? Or just think about it and decide what you had to do to have that kind of life..or what did you do?
the reason I ask is that I haven't really thought about exactly what it is I want in my life..or how I want my life to be..other than in general terms. ie: i want a happy marriage, i want to have good relationships with my kids, i want to be able to spend time with my grandkids, etc. I have not outlined exactly how i propose to do those things. And some of them were "wait and see what happens" kinds of things.
I also never really thought about dating again, or what it would be like to be in a sexless relationship, or that it would be possible for my H to turn into this person he is right now..these are all pretty new things to me as I was content in our relationship and thought we'd just grow together and grow old together and we'd work things out if something came up. So, when you say I look at things like they are unique to my situation..being with someone, sex, etc..the reason I am so disconcerted by my thoughts is because I never in a million years would have thought that I would be having to address stuff like this. For me, that is just as bad as what he's doing..the fact that I am thinking all these weird thoughts and acting the way I have been. I know that probably doesn't make sense..cuz it doesn't even when I read it back. I'm not sure how to say it any other way. and I also know that most of you LBSers probably feel the same way.
I guess I am still trying to figure out what is the worst case scenario for me in this situation. I need to do that to formulate a plan. And in doing that, i have been surprised at some of the weird issues that have come up..like wanting to be with someone again, or just being so disgusted with the sitch that I would never want to have this happen again, etc. I'm thinking out loud mostly. of course we all want to have a companion to grow old with..that is just the way 99% of humans are. I honestly was retarded enough to believe that I was one of the lucky ones who had found their soul mate and would just live life happily ever after. Death didn't even enter my mind, although that would have been a pretty big deal breaker too. Ha!
Actually to make a long story short..I feel retarded most of the time these days. I have so many weird thoughts and feelings reeling around, i can't even put them into words. and I think I'm still in shock over the whole thing. sometimes I feel like I'm looking at myself from out of my body and that I am just going to wake up and it will be a bad dream.
sometimes..there are things I'd like to change about myself to be more of what i consider to be a great person. i think i'll write down a list of those. thanks for making me think about that. i'm gonna do it right now. Then I'll prioritize the list and under each one I'll add ideas of how I can make the changes. A flow chart, kind of.
