Puppy Advice

[steady]

steady,
that was $50 well spent.

i think in a healthy relationship, there is some level of codependency and control. otherwise, two people shouldn't be together. it is when the codependency and control takes over the relationship, then that becomes unhealthy.

There may be a confusion between interdependent and codependent. I don't think trying to exert control over someone else has any place in a healthy adult relationship.

It's one thing to give your input and then accept the person may not follow your advice/input. It's another thing to 'punish' someone for not doing it. A healthy adult knows how to agree to disagree.

i was quite careful about exerting control and codependency. i worked mainly on myself - controling my own spending, putting my m and h first, etc. then i let my personal/deeper issues get the best of me and it ruined my m.

Not sure what you mean by this. Do you mean putting your H and M first in front of your own mental and emotional health?

so i know how i contributed to the breakdown of my m. i've been here long enough and worked with the vets on that part.

i don't know if you can say that allowing someone else to be the decision maker and you be the follower is a definition of love. where is the love reciprocated in that?

I don't think that's what I said at all. I'm wondering how you came to that conclusion based on what I wrote.

anyway, i've done a bit of work on my own sitch and self-reflection on what has happened. i just wanted to know what i would need to work on to attract someone in the dating world. i've never been in the dating pool before so this is new to me and i'm in my late thirties.

thanks for your response though.

I'll tell you what you need to do. You need to make yourself an independent, healthy, happy, self-fulfilled woman with a life you enjoy. When you get that down you'll attract a man who will share that with you. When you're there, you won't have to 'become' something else in order to attract someone. You will be attractive. Period.

I'm in my mid forties and that's what I'm focusing on. Get your inner life together, keep working on making yourself the best person you can be. Your outer world will be a reflection of your inner world.