the runaway wife wants a husband who will make a strong, principled stand to fight for his marriage. how does a man fight for his marriage yet still be detached?
Actually this is not true. That isn't what reality says.
The runaway wife RUNS from men who stand and fight for their marriage. Or haven't you been observing and analyzing the men on this site. Those who do the most fighting "for" it are the least likely to succeed. It is those who "let the woman" go and STOP fighting for it that see her finally come around.
I disagree ... somewhat. FWAWs speak often of wanting their passive husbands to have FOUGHT for them, instead of rolling over. "How important could I BE to him, if he's not willing to fight for me?" they say.
I do believe that your basic "push/pull" dynamic is a universal truth, and it WORKS, however.
I advocate a version of Harley's "Plan A/Plan B" approach, where you FIRST stand and fight for the marriage, including aggressively fighting to bust any affairs, and THEN -- when you've had enough -- you do the "Letting go" thing, possibly even filing for divorce.
No two people are alike in how long they can "hold out," and different wayward spouses are going to react differently to how long they perceive "holding out" as just your fear and passivity, and lot of it depends on how you carry yourself thru the whole thing. For me, it was less than 2 months between discovery of my wife's affair and letting her go, but I spent that two months VERY MUCH fighting for my marriage and my family, with everything I had.
