Early Parole from the MLC Chain Gang?????

[MHL]

Hope and Expectations

I have had time to reflect more on yesterday and I do not want to blow one email from my W way out of proportion, however it sparked some more growth/ movement along my journey on my part which is really more important and what we focus on here.

Knowing that I still need advice/help and guidance I reached out to several of you yesterday and you responded with truth and sincerity and really appreciate your caring.

Mach, SA, Grit, Jack, Eric, Breal, Bradley
Thank You.

We constantly say to each other “keep your expectations down” or “don’t have any expectations”, I have embraced that and understand that, I have learned that expectations on the part of the LBS are very similar to the sense of “entitlement” that the MLCer often has in our sitches. When we keep our expectations in check or not have any at all we demonstrate to ourselves that unconditional love we have for our wayward spouses.

Can Missher still love her even though she may be stuck in MLC for a while?

Can Missher love her while she is with someone else? Can you? Is this something that Missher really wants? There is no shame is saying YES - I know how much you love this women.

My Answer here is yes, and without expectations but not without Hope.

Hope IMO is different than Expectations and I realize I can Hope that my M is restored, I can Hope that my W comes out of her fog, I can Hope that my W will rediscover her love for me. My Hope is what drives me to continue to stand for my M and yes, love my W unconditionally.

I think she is feeling pressure from you based on the events of the past month.

I really think giving her space right now is best...I know that is not what you want to hear or do and you know I know how that feels.

Agreed Grit……I think last night after I digested everything, I moved the detachment needle a little more and I realize that I still love her the same if not more. I think it is a far more loving act to “lovingly detach”. I find myself loving my W in a more mature/ unselfish way today,…….loving her from a distance.

Things feel different today, I feel a little numb, not numb from pain, but from not feeling anything……..maybe indifference?

Does indifference = acceptance ???

I want my M to survive but if it does not I will still love her. I think that I accept the fact that I love my W no matter what, I can not kill that feeling even if she chooses divorce. Maybe that is acceptance, still letting it all soak in.

Grit you have said it before this is a process……

I think I felt the gears of the process move a little bit yesterday…

Whatever you do...do it from the heart. Not from fear or worry...just the heart. Do this and no matter what you do it will be right. Why? Cause it will be from YOU - the real YOU - the new YOU - the YOU with no mask.

I think I faced the “fear” yesterday and “I” won, that was a battle not the war. I don’t think the war ever ends, to battle and overcome our fears will be part of what we do for the rest of our lives.

I struggled with a What does Missher really want for HIS life? And I mean really want. Don't give me one of these cookie cutter DB type responses. I mean really what do you want.

That is the question isn’t it? I can honestly say right now, I just don’t know. This is really where I need to look. I need to release the “hold” button on my life and reassess what I want. I suspect I will want the same things that I wanted before with my W, I know there was doubt that I could accomplish these things without my W. I need to look at what I want again and chart “my” course to reach those things and make them “my” reality.

I am figuring out that I don’t need to answer the question of whether or not my M is going to make it in order to pursue what “I want” out of life. I need to give myself permission to pursue my dreams and move forward. If at some point in the future my W wants to hop back on that train, it does not matter if that train has moved down the tracks little bit, the fact that it is moving again is what matters.

Cheers.