OMG..I am watching Jimmy Fallon (which I never watch BTW) and they chose 3 people from the audience and had them do karaoke to the mel Gibson tapes that are all over the TV now. Lots of "effins"..very sad for that man and his family. I knew nothing good was going to come out of the A with the younger woman and then the love child. What is wrong with the world today, that people laugh and find humor in that kind of thing. he needs some help..we should be feeling sorry for him even if he did it to himself.
Oh Twink..38 years..wow, that is a milestone for sure. You are separated by the look of your signature..yes?
Loneliness is underated. I have been alone for most of the time since we moved here with his job almost 4 years ago..cuz he travels so much. It sent me into kind of a depression..one of the things I did to contribute to the breakdown of the M.
I agree that it is not a good idea to start a R with anyone until you are ready and whole. We all know how much it hurts to love someone and be hurt by them so I would never want to do that to anyone else. My C has spent alot of time on my being ok with being alone. I have never been on my own in the world..truely alone. It scares me kinda.
you make me laugh... you talk about these things (wanting to be with someone) as if they are like... I don't know... knowing how to play guitar or something-- something that would distinguish you from someone else.
but I'm fairly sure-- except for Ted Kazcinski-- 99.999 of all normal human beings feel exactly how you feel. that you want a companion with whom you can share your life.
This whole thing for me has been transformative in that I used to be a bit of a loner. now I don't really like being alone, don't mind crowds, say hi to strangers, and cherish the friends that I have because I realize when someone wants to be your friend its really a gift. I spent so many days and nights in total and complete isolation that I had all the alone time I could use for a lifetime.
are things better with my wife? well... you can check my sitch if you like and judge for yourself.
I pined and cried and died for my wife a year ago-- for about 6 months... then after all the abuse and mind games I think I just kindof got tired of feeling that way and I moved on. I took control of my life, my finances, my decisions and found ways to fulfill my emotional needs that did not include her.
This last month has been the first time that I have been happy in a really long time. some of that is luck with things going well with my job which gave me some satisfaction and security... but a lot of that is just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to make my life resemble more the one that I want. and time does heal. I was able to get over the loss of my marriage... and the needyness that I had for my wife for basically all of my emotional needs. now I can fill those needs with all the people around me at work, my new friends, and the time I get to spend with my 7 year old twin boys. I've got them for the week at the beach and we are having a blast.
the very odd thing is that my wife says she wants back in... now she is broke, living in another state, and probably hitting rock bottom in her MLC thing. she already tried this once (and we basically didn't go to court as I have a suit against her for custody). she came and lived with me for 5 painful days and then left, I believe assuming that I had dropped the suit... which I didn't. took my boys away again. we have another court date on tues. I'm not dropping it this time.
She seems to really be struggling at this point. there is a small part of me that feels compassion for her-- but there is a big part of me that wants her to experience this so that she realizes a few things... that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. that you cannot abandon people, betray them... and have there be no consequences. but I also think without a safety net she can face truth and face reality... something she has been running from for a while now.
You seem to be in a much better place (I lurked through yours - and everyone's posts:))! Our MC talked to me the other day about detachment but remaining "courageously compassionate". If your W is hitting rock bottom then I would think that she needs help. I think that you are in a good position to identify what reconnecting looks like (ie, IC, MC, structured schedule, time together) - what are those things that for you are non-negotiable in terms of what must be in place? (Not like I really know any of this s**t - but I've READ a lot!!:))
Enjoy the beach - there is NOTHING better than kids at your kids age down in the beach. We used to take our kids for 2 weeks to Folly Beach in SC. GREAT memories!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Question? Why are you all up at 3 & 4 & 5 in the A.M.? You have to get your rest to be healthy and GAL. Trust me, I know all about sleepless nights. Go to the Doc and get some help. At first, Ambien only gave me 3-4 hours of rest, but at least it was something to help me get up and attack a new day in the morning. To those of you who are up because you are getting ready for work, I apologize. I just worry about how many of us are not sleeping normal hours. I've worked for Dr's for 20+ years, and I know all about the addicts and drug seekers, etc. The meds are good when they are taken as they are supposed to be taken. That includes Xanax which has taken such a bad rap. Right now, turning off your minds at night and getting rest is an important thing. Addicts become addicts because they want to. I myself have been afraid of taking Ambien more than X amount of nights in a row.
Again, sorry if I offended any day sleepers, but guys, get some rest for your health.
Do you think Mel Gibson is in MCL? everyone is making fun of him. i have to admit that i lost alot of respect for him when he dumped his wife who stuck thru thick and think with him. And poor Sandra Bullock and Tiger Wood's beautiful wife. All that publicity just makes our spouses' affairs seem commonplace..every one is doing it!
MLC for Mel Gibson? I doubt it. These people have a whole different type of life. Money is king and the decisions they make are about money. There is a reason why the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. I am not rich but my wife I do ok. I have been to California and seen a lot. They hurt inside with the relationships they have just like you and me, but money is always a big deal. They have to think about it before they get married when most of us midwesterners start out with nothing and build a life along with wealth with patience and hard work. That's how my dad did it. My wifes dad did it and all of my friends and relatives. It is not just midwestern folks though just feels good to say it that way. I love California though, would like to live there but roots are here. Tiger Woods? She gets 750 million and sole custody out of that. That might heal some pain. Where do I sign up? But you know that with that amount of money it would be extremely difficult to keep or need God in our lives. People near them can't possibly be sincere. How can you make friends with someone or build relationship knowing that the other person is rich or going to be rich after marriage. They know in the back of their mind if it doesn't work out at least I will get some money out of it. What a way to build a life together. Watching each others moves wondering if something is about to break. The temptation for Tiger was too great. All of us in MLC land are in a different boat. A boat we both did not have a clue about. As cruel as this is for us to go through, it will crack or build our very foundation that is part of our soul. Now what do we do? Where are the instructions? You mentioned you have always put yourself in others shoes to solve your issues in your head. That is not going to work here. That makes this uncomfortable for us. EXACTLY. Getting out of the comfort zone. That is where the growth for us is. Never mind that you did not choose this path. This is what we got right now. Went to my Medical Doctor when this first started to get a baseline on cholesterol BP etc. Told him a little about what was happening. He told me "Warrior, some wives get cancer some get this. You get to have this." Then he said, "If she goes through with it, tell her don't let the door hit you in a$$ on the way out". IC does not agree with this though. He is versed in MLC. His wife went through it.
warrior..I sure wish I knew someone who had been thru this MLC thing so I could talk to them face to face. It's great to have all the support of you guys on the forum and all..but it would be good to be able to sit down with someone who has either been thru it themselves or has been thru it with a spouse. Just to ask questions and more questions..face to face is a bit different than typing things in a forum. I don't think my C is very versed in MLC. But I could be wrong.
I remember going thru a growth spurt when I was about 22. i questioned lots of stuff..and that is when I became interested in God..for my own self. Now I mentioned that I was brought up catholic and went to church LOTS when i was a kid..but it was not of my own accord. At 22, I really searched for info about what I believed. That was a spiritual awakening for me. The things I learned in my search have stayed with me, been adjusted from time to time with new info, and have comforted me for 30 years. I think one of the reasons this MLC thing is happening to me is that God thinks it's time to learn a little more about spirituality. This has brought me even closer yet to God..the praying, the candles, the occasional mass attendence. My BFF and I talk about spirituality alot. This MLC thing has bonded me with with the small support group I have too. In ways that nothing else would have..because of my vulnerability and their compassion, among other things. Although none of them have ever experienced anything like MLC..so they don't really know what to tell me about that..but they support and listen and sometimes that's all I need.
What day is your court hearing for the D? or maybe you don't want to say..you can answer and then edit it out right away like punkin and I did yesterday. I'm paranoid too. Even tho I'm pretty sure he knows I post here and could figure out who I am based on the stuff I've said. Bummer.
Grit..thanks for trying to make me feel better. I guess I'm ok today. He is gone for 2 days. I'm a little more relaxed when he's gone cuz then I don't have to look at his guilty face and be sad for what he's doing to me and himself.
It is amazing how much we have changed as a couple. We're basically friends now..and that sucks.
I need to find out more about this replay thing. I'm still reading archives and searching for keywords..and reading about you guys from your threads.
punkin..I had to stay up all night last week because of all that tornado stuff and didn't go to bed til 6 in the morning. It screwed up my sleep schedule. So I have been taking a couple of over the counter sleeping pills about 9 at night so that I can fall asleep and get up at a normal time. I dont work so it doesn't matter what time I get up.
I have heard that ambien makes you do weird things..like sleep walk and stuff. I don't really like to take pills of any kind. But I'm not against it either if I have to for some reason or another..I just have to be careful with it.
