Thanks SillyOldBear. It's funny. Part of me does dread letting her go again, but I have to admit, I also remember how much fun I was having earlier this year, and the peace I found in myself. I haven't lost that. The thought of letting her go this time is nothing like the first time.
BeingMe, I think your story is very interesting, as a comparison to what my W is doing. I agree, it's good she's resisting jumping back into our M for it's security, for the kids, for the ease of it all. I'm glad she's trying to figure this stuff out.
Dropped off kids at W's house this morning, and we had another short talk. She wasn't nearly as sad, but is extremely conflicted. She's still talking about our future together, so she's not giving up, but she acknowledged how I might want to. She told me that my comment about it being easier had she died is really weighing on her, as I thought it would. It had the desired effect of knocking her out of her fantasy world, where she doesn't have to truly face what she did. I did offer her a little relief though. I said "Listen W, I have no desire to dwell on the past. If we want to move forward, we need to deal with what happened, then we can leave it behind." She had a sound of dread in her voice and said "If we want to have a future, we have to talk about it." She continued with a sound of relief "Or, if we're not going to have a future, we don't have to talk about it, we can just let it go." I replied "Yup, exactly." She said "I've realized something about myself, and I hate it, I hate that it's part of me".
Our son came into the room, so we stopped the R talk, and just chit chatted about the kids. Then I said I had to go to work, and we hugged goodbye.
I got into my car and spilled my coffee all over my lap. Ugh!
