How To Tell The Kids

[dday101798]

I believe I muttered the same words to you last week as R2C just has.

Unfortunately, this is something that should have been done way earlier in the game in my opinion. Don't know if it's still an option.

Legally, yes, she has a right to be their and enter the home at any time. Even, tho I diid the above and told (x)W to get the eff out of the house, she'd still return and be there when I wasnt and this led to many interactions that ended up having to be resolved with local law enforcement, until finally I had a restraining order placed on her banning her from being on the property.

[Ready2Change]

Bold actions will speak loud and clear to her and us that you are not pursuing her. She wants out. PACK HER STUFF UP. MOVE IT OUT OF YOUR LIFE. MOVE HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE DONE WITH HER. Do not do it in a mean way. Just matter of fact. Do not fear her reaction.

...but I don't know how to do this.

Start in the Master Bedroom. Look around and make it yours. Look at everything and say "Do I want this?" If it is yes, keep it, if it is no, get it out of there. Also ask yourself "Do I like where this is located" If the answer is yes. leave it. if no, move it where you like it. Start making the house "Just yours".

This is a state of mind. She wants out of M, She moves out. You have decided to help her.....

Legally I can't force her out of the house and my atty said the court isn't likely to either. If I pack all of her stuff and put it outside, is that considered harassing and could put me in legal jeopardy?

I wouldn't put it outside, just get "HER clutter" out of YOUR house. Set it outside "her room", stack it in the garage.

[dday101798]

I wouldn't put it outside, just get "HER clutter" out of YOUR house. Set it outside "her room", stack it in the garage.

That's kind of the same line of thinking I was getting. You're not going through the exact action, but atleast showing her you mean business.

[Steve McQueen]

Interesting,

"show her you mean business"

Your drug use, lack of attachment and interest in the kids, demanding sex life, and porn kills your marriage.

So, she files for divorce, (to save herself? to save you? as a Last Resort Technique? (Not that it matters),

and you respond with exclusion and vindictiveness and asking her to leave the house. hmmmmm.....

This is your 180?

Believe half of what they say, right? I'd believe this:

I hope you will think of the kids and their well-being from this day forward. Please, their entire future depends on how we handle this. I know you are really hurting right now - so am I. Don't let our hurt be at the children's expense. We must consider the kids every step of the way and also respect each other and the years we had. Neither of us are bad people. I am begging you to keep them your focus and how we are all going to get through this. I will always be there for you, just can't be there for you in the capacity you want me to.

vocabulary lesson,

Main Entry: am·i·ca·ble
Pronunciation: \ˈa-mi-kə-bəl\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Late Latin amicabilis
Date: 15th century
: characterized by friendly goodwill : peaceable

[bluestar]

Dan, I have to respectfully disagree with the recent advice about "her clutter". You have on-going legal proceedings and you are both living with your children. I would not move anything at this point. At least wait until after your first hearing and you see how things are going to go.

Besides, the legal aspect, packing things up would be much more disruptive for your kids, who so far have seen you acting with grace, integrity and strength. They may see the packing as retaliation or a threat to their security. While moving may ultimatly be in the cards, you don't want them to worry unnecessairly.

You have been doing great recently with the GAL, 180's and detachment. Just keep that going.

By the way, for the vacation, your kids are old enough to help you with the chores. Let them help decide the meals, go shopping, even help cook. Give them clean up jobs each day. They'll think it's fun and it's an ego boost for them that Dad thinks they're old enough. Just be sure to frame it that way.

[DanF]

So I went out last night with some people from work to "celebrate" my 14th wedding anniversary! Started at a bar close to work and ended up on the west side of Chicago, near O'Hare with one of the guys. Closed the bar, got some food and slept on the couch in his basement.

I wasn't plannng on being out all night, but I didn't call or text W to let her know what was going on either. Not sure if that was good or bad. I got advice both ways from various people.

No calls, texts or e-mails from W either. Guess I'll just see her when I get home tonight.

Anyway, I had a GREAT time and am back at work today wearing the same clothes I had on yesterday. What a night.

[DanF]

Believe half of what they say, right? I'd believe this:

[quote]I hope you will think of the kids and their well-being from this day forward. Please, their entire future depends on how we handle this. I know you are really hurting right now - so am I. Don't let our hurt be at the children's expense. We must consider the kids every step of the way and also respect each other and the years we had. Neither of us are bad people. I am begging you to keep them your focus and how we are all going to get through this. I will always be there for you, just can't be there for you in the capacity you want me to.

I thought it was believe none of what they say and only 1/2 of what you see?

[Ready2Change]

Hi Dan,

Glad you had a great time.

Be in "game mode" when you get home.

Be "the best dad ever".
"Act as if" last night was normal.
"Be observant" of how W behaves but "do not engage" in discussions. Listen and watch.

[dday101798]

! Started at a bar close to work and ended up on the west side of Chicago, near O'Hare with one of the guys.

West side eh? Where?

[DanF]

All Stars.........don't yell at me. Unless you HAVE to.