Hey thanks I wont bring up Affair/OM!! I Left class early and got S at house W and I had small chit,chat again nothing to much.
She brought up the site in the Post with contracting again. I Probbly wasnt the happiest,but was nice and civil also made sure I looked good new shirt to show that the gym has been paying off.
Again she brought up she might work late and to call if I needed to drop S off early. I told her the plan was to drop him off about 9 tomorrow night.
Also talked about her mom and how she was doing and she planned on visiting my Mom while back home.. I don't get antything anymore. I'm happy she wants to see my mom still as her family is still on good terms with me too. (Probbly wont change)
I think and hope maybe when she goes back home her family will have some good influence on her about our M.(Can always hope Right)? Talk soon Hope
Hey puppy, No I havtheir are only 2 people out side the marriages that know, and thats MC and my good friend from work!! I dont know what to do some ways I think it would be good too.
On the other hand theirs that what if she is telling the truth it could hinder us for any chance of hopes R. PLus now I dont have any concrete that it's still going on. I do agree some- things shoulde be told.
Then what about everthing else in our M or the past about both of us. Like I said their is a lot people don't know only our MC knows. Any thoughts thanks might not get on here a lot today haning with S before he goes.. Thanks
Yes everyone thinks it's something different. Never really asked them point blank as far as I know both just said had problems like most marriages. Yes I have lied. I don't know what anyone really thinks!!
I believe most know that I didn't want this. As I even talked to my mother in law while visiting in Jan and this was before I busted the affair. She knows I love her daughter and she doesn't even know all the details as she told me W was very gauge. Thanks talk soon hope
"One thing I don't get and maybe this is just normal script, but she said " how could I want her after all she has done to me. I said forgiveness." ----
Though your answer is of course sincere, it is perhaps a little trite on its own. Perhaps you could expand if she asks you again... Really explain, extend compassion, make is about her...
"W, I know you have a good heart, you are a good person, a loving, caring, beautiful, decent person. To have made the choices you did, you had to be in incredible pain. I think I can understand how you got to that place, I think I even understand the part I played. I can be gentle, compassionate, and forgiving to the person you were in that painful place. Maybe you can be the same toward yourself. I try to be toward myself for the choices I made during our M that I wish I could change. No matter what happens, we are both going to have to forgive ourselves to have a good R with anyone. May as well try to forgive ourselves and each other at the same time. We've got a lot of love to build on, even if there is some work to do on the foundation."
P.S. If that's not how you get to forgiveness with her, that's fine. The point is to really open up and give her a compassionate, honest, intimate answer.
If her question is sincere, she really is scared about trying to have a life with you and you being a reminder of what she has done. She doesn't know if she can deal with being constantly confronted by a self she doesn't like.
Show her there is a way to heal and to forgive herself.
BTW, a big road block is going to be her XH. How does she forgive herself without forgiving him? Really, she probably can't, but it is perhaps time for her to forgive both herself and him.
I would love too and have tried to some extent, however she even says she has a hard time forgiving herself.. At the moment we really arent talking to much just a little. Nothing sense our argument about the seperation agreement, and then when we had the 45 min. chat when we calmed down and talked about all the other stuff.
The story with her ex is a tough one, and she says she has forgiven him. I don't know if she really has?? Along with our M and the affair there are other issues I don't think she has ever delt with from her past.
I just dont know what to do; I dont want to lose my hope as I know I can move on , but that is not what I want I want to get her back.
Hope all is well!!! As far as the affair and OM I don’t know anymore what to believe anymore... In my gut things don't add up especially when I found that Journal/letter that was 90% true.
Maybe it was just her feelings she was writing about, now add the BC pills to the mix. (Would love to think and I hope she started again for another reason, but I think know my W pretty well)? According to her we have been separated for the 6 months from when she dropped the D.
maybe she thinks its ok now to move foward. My W is the type of person that once she makes her mind up she is pretty much set in stone.Although she dropped the D in Feb 09 and we actually started working togeather.
Untill she met OM on business trip days before our Anniversary, then thing picked up 2 months later with them.. Now we got here this year. She has told me in the past if she had doubts she would tell me I don't know..
This whole situation is a mess; I can hope that maybe going back home her family will talk some sense in to her I doubt it though. I just don’t get some of the things she has told me especially during our last argument or the time I found the letter/journal.
It’s like at times she is very sorry, guilty/remorseful, wonders why? I still want her all that crap… Yes I know probably just emotions, but it was the same thing before we separated except to my knowledge she didn’t have contact with OM. Like my IC/MC said stranger things have happened, and no one can take my hope away…
I hate to say it, but it's time to work on YOURSELF, Hope. All of your focus in your posts is on her, her, her, her.
Time to do what HOPE wants to do. Allen A just posted this on someone else's thread, and I think it's golden:
Originally Posted By: Allen A
He does NOT hold the cards.. YOU do.
But you are throwing them away worrying about HIM
You have the cards to YOUR life and what YOU DO with it.
Suppose ten years from now he's gone and still hasn't grown up or contacted you... do YOU still want to be where YOU are NOW? Pining away for someone liek that?
Look at you now and fast forward ten years and ask yourself what are YOU doing to get where YOU want to be in ten years time?
Focus on THAT.. YOU have ALL THE CARDS for that.. NOT HIM... NOT NOW...
You may be loyal to HIM, but you aren't to yourself if you waste another second pining for him.
Let him go, enjoy your life, do something productive. If he grows up while you are doing that then that's great... but dont' sit around waiting for that to happen.
You are betraying YOU if you do that...
Let me put it this way... as he IS NOW... NO SINGLE FEMALE on this ENTIRE FORUM would so much as TOUCH HIM right now because of his immaturity...
