I want to be married to my wife, first because I love her. I can't imagine my life without her...without us. She makes me happy and I thought I made her happy. To me, we've had way more happy times than bad times even in the face of some tragic circumstances.
Second, I don't want to lose the life and the lifestyle we have. I like our home. I like our friends. I like our social circle. I don't want to lose that.
Third, I'm afraid of not being able to be there for her if she needs me. If she's sad, or sick, or hurt or afraid. Being able to be there with her through these things makes me happy. It makes me feel like I have a purpose and a place and a role.
Fourth, I don't want to be a failure. I don't know how I could look my family and friends in the eye and admit that I failed at my marriage, especially after this long.
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I haven't read the books yet. I just recently found this site. Thank you for recommending specific books, I didn't know which to choose and there are quite a few of them.
About the "spark", this part seems so strange to me. We went so long with her not being interested in sex (I thought because of her depression)where I was interested and we had lots of arguments about the fact that I wanted it and she didn't. I asked myself if missing that one thing was grounds to end the marriage and decided absolutely not. Now it seems the script is flipped only I'm not disinterested in sex with my wife, she's disinterested in sex with me and now seems to be holding that against me.
I had hoped it would make her feel better to know that there was nothing wrong with her and that I would still love her without sex, it seems I was wrong. Maybe you're right and I minimized her feelings unintentionally.
