If you're trying to do #2, it's important that you don't "know" those things. That's the kind of mind-reading that keeps the SSM going. If you can get past it, be open to sex but not desperate, and concentrate on having fun--enjoying yourself and enjoying your wife--you give yourself the chance to be attractive to her. That's no guarantee that there will be sex, but worrying about it ahead of time and assuming you know what's going to happen (and what's not) is a trap. It makes you look desperate and immature to her.
If you can handle all this, you're WAY ahead of most people in your position. Way ahead of where I was in your shoes, that's for sure. Good luck!
