My wife and I have been married for eight years. We married young. I was 23, she was 19. We've been through alot together in those short years. Her father was killed in a car accident just before we were married and my wife battled deep depression for many years after that. As we battled her depression, we had good times and bad.
I did my best to stand by her, give her the support she needed and just be there for her. I wish I could say I was perfect in my efforts, but I wasn't. I messed up more times than I can count. I went through a period where I drank alot. When I lost my job two years ago and my grandmother not long after, I went through some depression of my own.
Our sex life has been on a steady decline for years. I wanted more sex than we were having, but she just didn't feel like it. I always chalked it up to her depression and, to be honest, I don't care all that much about it anymore. It's her I love, not the sex. I'd go my whole life never having sex again if I could keep her. I only mention it here because it may be relevant somehow that I'm missing.
My wife recently told me that she doesn't feel the same way about me. It's confusing. She says she loves me, but she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She says she doesn't feel a "spark" anymore when she kisses me. She says that I am her best friend (I agree. She's my best friend too.) and she just sees me as that.
Tonight, my wife said something I'd never heard before. We had what I thought was a small argument about redesigning a closet. In the aftermath, as we were talking things out, she said that she was angry at me because she felt like she didn't measure up to me. She told me that I was a good man who worked hard and always supported her and that she was angry because that wasn't enough for her.
My first reaction is to try to reason things out. I explained to her that I believe a "spark" is only one of many components of a marriage. Companionship, security, respect, friendship, shared values, etc... are also equally important. I explained that our marriage is strong in most of these ways and only weak in one. Surely that can't be a logical grounds for divorce. I also reminded her that she has been there for me as much as I've been there for her. I told her she is a good wife. (My wife always feels inferior for some reason. In her job, when we were in school, she never feels like she measures up.) I told her she makes me happy.
I love this woman with all of my heart. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and our marriage makes me happier than I've ever been. I will do anything to keep her happy and save our marriage. I'm terrified that I've lost her. I've never seen her like this. I'm afraid she's decided that the only way she'll be happy is to walk away and I don't know what to do.
