Thanks and I am going to consult the attorney at the very least to find out my options and then decide from there what is the best way to proceed.
We will be married 10 years this October but alimony won't be a question. I make around 48 thousand as a school teacher with nearly two Masters degrees, but he makes only around 20 thousand. Our youngest child is two and is the only one in daycare fulltime while I work. Someone once hinted to me that he could ask for alimony but I know him well enough to know it won't occur to him and he wouldn't anyway. He has said that I will have custody of the children and he has no problem with that as long as he has his visitation. He has never been a hands on Dad, so his visitation one evening a week and every other weekend is about all he can handle. He has entered into a whole new world with his children now. Of course, it helps now that OW will be able to help him out and help him to amuse the kids during the day. He is planning on doing fun things with the kids that I could never get him to participate in before. I should be thankful that he is trying to be a better Dad, it just gets under my skin a little. As for child support, he pays me every two weeks our agreed upon amount, which according to the calculators and someone at the county child support office is pretty much right on the money. He is aware that when the day comes that we are in court, that child support will be withheld from his paycheck. County office also told me previously that I could tell the judge that they do not need to go retroactive on the child support. Apparently, typically all the money he is giving me up until the time we are ever in court is considered a gift but I can intervene for him, and said I would since he has been paying without issue from day one.
I am looking forward to the day when all of this isn't so painful, and like I said I am feeling better the last couple of days. There is still part of me that loves him and wishes we could work things out, but he does not seem to be willing to and says he as much as considers us divorced right now. That plus the fact that he doesn't consider what he is doing as cheating is enough for me to give up hope I think. There is also the part of me that seems to be getting stronger all the time that says that I was not a horrible wife by any means, and although I am not perfect, I tried and was willing to do whatever it took to save this marriage and keep my family together. I am trying to get back to the time when I felt smart and attractive and wanted. The 24 pounds I have lost in the last 3 1/2 months is certainly helping and I am hoping that the IC I am starting next week will help also.
As for my sister in law, she has tried against everything to encourage him to try and work on this marriage. She is very Christian and really doesn't believe in divorce except in extreme circumstances. She never felt that any of our problems were ones that couldn't be solved together. Nonetheless, he is going to do what he wants. He probably can't even tell anyone why he has been so unhappy, and I have my doubts that the R with the new OW will work out in the end either. He is chasing after something without even knowing what it is he looking for. I can't ask her to turn her back on her own brother so I understand she is doing the best she can while being in the middle.
