tired of this

[A_goodman]

Ok. On to tonight's news of the stupid.

Did I listen to Ken62? Of course not. Did I succeed at MP's empathy formula? Not in the least. I did manage to choke down the urge to call her batty as a loon and a first class history revisionist. Which will turn out to be good practice for tomorrow nights MC. So at least there's that.

I guess it wasn't really too bad, but I feel stupid for getting roped into an R talk whereupon she made her usual convincing arguments about how I am mostly to blame and am totally oppresive to live with. Now it's up to 10 years BTW.

So here I am, trying hard to empithize and validate things that are pure rubbish to me, but that I know now are her perception, at least right now. She's telling me that other mental health professionals are warning her about men "like me" who can become violent and unpredictable in these types of situations. And how her family members and fronds all notice how domineering I am. I tried to explain the fear-shame thing from the link, she reminded me about a time I got up in her face. I DID NOTHING, but it did intimidate her. I apologized and told her it wouldn't happen ever again. I certainly didn't mean to intimidate her, but she told me I was lying. K. Do back to: "I understand that you feel that way..." She kept at it. Eventually, I saved a sliver of the night by explaing that whatever her friends told her and whatever fear she has doesn't apply any more because I have no intention of stoping her. MOF, if she doesn't want to be with. Me, I don't want to be with her either. I only have one life and I choose to spend it with people who want to spend it with me.

The ironic thing was, that all I did was ask her what had happened to make her mad this morning. (was going to practice my vallidation). She tried the old: "what do you think it was?" A true classic. I wasn't having any of that. I told her I had no idea and that she should just share do I can understand better what she as feeling. I should have pulled a Costanza and just quit right there. I was thinking that was pretty good; then the bottom dropped out.

It turns out that I had kissed her goodby this morning but it was like a "Aunt Sally kiss". Her words. She said it's obvious you are totally avoiding me and all affection, but if you don't feel it just spare me the half-assed attempts. The funny thing is that I really had no idea. I know I started to kiss her out of habit but then remembered my training and tried to back out. I honestly didn't realize she even noticed until she spilled the beans tonight.

I told he it was just a mistake. I joked I should getone crappy kiss every decade or so. Then I told her that I was in fact avoiding all contact with her Because that's what she wants. I plan to give her exactly what she asks for. I will not initiate any affection. If she wants it, I will be happy to respond, but I am done smothering you. She did not seem happy. Maybe the detachment is already hiting home in some way. A guy can hope.

I'm just really mad at myself for not letting it alone altogether.