new chapter with strange WAW

[BeingMe]

Once the wayward spouse enters this stage of painful self reflection, what is the betrayed spouse to do? Just wait it out? I was talking to a friend today, and she said "You've grown so much, and made it so far. W has done nothing, and is only now starting her real work."

Your friend is right. I allowed my H back before he was ready (straight after he broke it off with OW, if that is true), and now, five years later, I have asked him for a separation, and possibly down the road, a D. I am done. Why would I do this after waiting so long, so patiently, for the changes I had hoped to see? Because they never happened, and I ran out of patience. He stayed the same way he was throughout our M ... emotionally disconnected, while I had done so much work that he acknowledged was amazing. While he put in as much as would convince me to stay and move to a new city (which I found out was closer to OW, but he denies that had anything to do with it) to make a new beginning, and then reverted back to his old self. I waited for that new beginning, and the only thing that changed in our M was our geographic position. And I was then left without my friends and family. And, I can't go back because, thankfully, my S and D love it here and have done very well. We also still have fun, chat on the phone, go out for dinner, drinks with friends, care for each other just like you and your wife. We are friends, and I finally have come to terms with that. I think that is all he wanted from me, but probably didn't know how to get that across. Because, as he says when asked about my positive traits, I'm fun to be around. Good to know.

I think it's good that your wife is hesitating. I wish my H had. I think he only wanted back in, so that he could get his kids to the new city, and they would only leave if I did. He denies it of course. And, I wanted to believe him because we have four wonderful children, and at that time 19 years of M behind us.

Please just give it lots of time. Make sure you see the real changes before making the commitment.

Sorry about the long story.