Grace..it will probably be a long time til I'm really done with him. He is the love of my life..we were best friends. I am his only friend, really..besides his mom. So, he will probably miss me more than I miss him if we both go our separate ways. I hope that doesn't happen, but it could.
Some days i feel really strong, some not so much. And then some days, like today, I go back and forth. i'm feeling pretty good right now, but that could change with an episode. That is one of the things I have to work on..how to get thru the episodes w/o letting it get to me. An episode could be anything from a comment he makes, (or doesn't make), a gesture, his oogling other women when we are together, a place we go to that reminds me of when we were really happy. The other day we were doing yard work and I was holding the leaf bag while he stuffed it with grass, and his head came really close to mine and it was all I could do to stop myself from grabbing his face and kissing him silly. I didn't but man I thought about how nice that would have been..for a long time. And I let it bother me for hours. I have to figure that out..how not to let that stuff get to me.
it's hell to love someone and remember what you had, and still be with them and not have it. I really do hope that someday they have an injection that will just make it go away. I would go in and stab it right in their arm while they were sleeping.
Anyway..thanks for your comments and support. I can use all the help anyone is willing to offer. and it's helping..just so you all know!
