Bradley, I had a whole msg typed out and then my h came down and I had to log out. Anyway, thanks for chiming in. I like to hear other people's perspectives about stuff. I get a little bit out of each and every post I read.
I know that this is a wake up call for me too. It has already helped me tremendously..as much as it has hurt me too. i have lost over 50 lbs, I feel so much better, I exercise every day..I have a better outlook on life..when I'm not having a panic attack, anyway. And those are getting farther and farther apart.
So, it hasn't been all bad. And if my H and I do ever get things back on track, our M will be better in every way. And if not, then I will know what not to do with my next R. Sometimes I think that i wouldn't want to take the chance of being with a man again because this could happen again, and I don't think I want to do it again. But, i also know that I am not one of those people who likes to be alone..so it would become a priority..to find a life comapnion..it is one of the things that I have always had on my my life list. I thought I found the one to do that with, but I guess that remains to be seen. Not that I'm giving up, but i see the wisdom in the advice i've read here..to be prepared for the worst.
I'm sorry you went thru 12 months of hell with your W. Are things better now? It's amazing how fast time flys by isn't it? Can't believe it has been almost 2 years already since the really bad stuff started.
i really do feel better when I don't think about it and when I don't have to play the games..I hate that. I like honesty and laughter and real love.
Grace..it will probably be a long time til I'm really done with him. He is the love of my life..we were best friends. I am his only friend, really..besides his mom. So, he will probably miss me more than I miss him if we both go our separate ways. I hope that doesn't happen, but it could.
Some days i feel really strong, some not so much. And then some days, like today, I go back and forth. i'm feeling pretty good right now, but that could change with an episode. That is one of the things I have to work on..how to get thru the episodes w/o letting it get to me. An episode could be anything from a comment he makes, (or doesn't make), a gesture, his oogling other women when we are together, a place we go to that reminds me of when we were really happy. The other day we were doing yard work and I was holding the leaf bag while he stuffed it with grass, and his head came really close to mine and it was all I could do to stop myself from grabbing his face and kissing him silly. I didn't but man I thought about how nice that would have been..for a long time. And I let it bother me for hours. I have to figure that out..how not to let that stuff get to me.
it's hell to love someone and remember what you had, and still be with them and not have it. I really do hope that someday they have an injection that will just make it go away. I would go in and stab it right in their arm while they were sleeping.
Anyway..thanks for your comments and support. I can use all the help anyone is willing to offer. and it's helping..just so you all know!
Hey Taylor, Snodderly says this is a mostly baby boomers thing. How cool is that? We are all in this together and watching each others back like eric says. It almost feels like a class reunion! Except the difference is, all the beautiful people are here. Hate class reunions because of the shallow people we knew in school but this board weeds out the shallow people. The shallows would not have the courage to be here nor the compassion. You and I know this is going to take a while so my point is that we all get to go through this together. The MLC'r does not have a place to go except the shallow world of despair and confusion. I know that non baby boomers here might be a little offended but looking at some of the positives of this mess is something I keep trying to find. We got to look at this with a glass half full. Why did this incredible challenge hit us? Why not us? We get to be the strong ones after the work is done. Don't want to do it you say? Again wrong question. I keep getting the feeling that God gave us this chance to get to be something great!! I see so much potential in the people here. These are the kind of people that should run our country!!! I don't want to get political here but I would want to vote for a strong LBS any day. The people here believe in vows and family and fighting for what is right.
Warrior..I am always so moved by your posts. You have a way of expressing yourself that really resonates with me..there are a couple of others that I have run into here that also shoot straight to my heart. I think that finding this place was a Godsend.
I am slowly moving from the horror of realizing how prevalent this sickness MCL really is..to seeing the strength of the human heart and how when you truely love someone it isn't just to have them as your own. To truly love someone, you must let them be their own person..and if that means that they want to be with someone else, you have to let them. And wow, it hurts. That in itself is a growth experience too. Many an epic movie or legendary song has been written from the depths of pain..a broken heart..the loss of a loved one.
I, too, am glad we are in this together. I have found a wonderful group of friends here who know EXACTLY what I am going thru..and that is so cool. My high school graduating class was much like this group here. We all were so different, but we all had each other's back, no matter what..and still do, 36 years later. Even tho we don't see each other much.
Not only do we get to be the strong ones when all this is over..but we get to feel good about ourselves and have no regrets about our behavior. That in itself is something to rejoice in. I feel good that God will be proud of me for sticking to my morals and doing what is right in my heart. i just have to keep my spirits up so I can have the strength to do it..sometimes I get so discouraged.
YAYYYYYYYY.. Crowded House is on Jimmy Fallon tonight. I am so excited. They are my favorite band.
Do you think Mel Gibson is in MCL? everyone is making fun of him. i have to admit that i lost alot of respect for him when he dumped his wife who stuck thru thick and think with him. And poor Sandra Bullock and Tiger Wood's beautiful wife. All that publicity just makes our spouses' affairs seem commonplace..every one is doing it!
But, i also know that I am not one of those people who likes to be alone..so it would become a priority..to find a life comapnion..it is one of the things that I have always had on my my life list.
LTay, I had never lived alone until my H left. I was 59. It has been an extremely hard adjustment. I do not like living alone. Nevertheless, finding another companion is nowhere near the top of my priority list right now. Why? Because I am unwilling to offer an unhealed and unwhole me to anyone new. Because I know that until I can be content again with me, just me, I can never be all I want to be with anyone else. And that, LTay, is part of the reason everyone here says to focus on you. When you are LTay again, you will attract others to you, and be able to genuinely offer yourself to them.
I've been reading along. You really are doing better. Keep it up! Everyone here is cheering you on to you!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
