21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

Big R talk: She came to my home office and said, "Since we don't talk I want to know what are your plans. Do you plan to fight in court for the kids or are we going to be friendly in mediation?" I said, "I didn't know anyone had filed yet." She sad no one had she just wanted to know what my plans were.

She said "we don't talk, we don't have sex, all we do is sleep in the same room. All we are is roommates. Is it any different if I am sleeping across town?" She brought up another bone of contention other than she says I am controlling and she is unaffectionate and we will never change. She said she doesn't like the fact that I looked at online porn, but she said everything is a catch-22, if I were affectionate then you wouldn't be looking online so she said she is not blaming me but had asked me to stop.

She said none of it matters now anyway. That is so far behind us. I don't care about anything right now anyway. And I don't care if a do or do not have depression.

I talked about this sitch being a life altering event and if we stay together or not I will forever be a changed person and am learning from this. She says she will never get married again.
I told her our poor communications skills is what got us here. If and when any problem first arose and we either didn't or couldn't communicate it to the other things would have been better. But neither of us talked to the other while the problems were small and they just grew and grew until they got too big.

She said she had clicked on a few apartments online just to see but with me going up to her work asking about the rumors with her and an OM it just sped up the want/need to be gone.

I asked if she had seen a Realtor and she had, but has not looked at any places yet because she is out of town. She asked me if she thought our kids should live in a dump? She is worried that she is not going to get an equitable share of our assets. I asked her had she already decided to bail? And she said, she is still thinking...


Advice?