New Game- Exposed

[navajo]

Well, I think that's where my challenge is going to be- BOUNDARIES.

As far as the A, she has the choose the A or work on the marriage. I can't bring up all the stats or anything. She won't listen. I guess all I can tell her is she'll OWN the divorce. I 'should' own up to my 50 of the marriage problems.

I can't legally enforce keeping D away from OM.

I can't legally kick her out of house.

All I can do, if she doesn't say "M", is tell her:

"Then all I have to say is this. I will not live in an open marriage. I will not hide your lies or affair. They are disrespectful. I will send you info on a few mediators I have looked into. XXX is the best choice. I will set an appointment for as early in August as possible to draw up our Separation Agreement. I should have all my banking and documentation gathered by then. You should, too.
Divorce is my last option. It is clear that it is your first and easiest. What you are doing to this family is irresponsible. But if this is your decision, then you will own it.
Perhaps one day we can be friends.

I have to go out. See you later."

As I said, I am very hesitant of giving ANY advice here, so I hope Pup or one of the other vets will check in, but that seems a bit long and vindictive (you typed twice that she will "own it"). You and I and everyone else here understands that this is a true and accurate statement (on the surface), but I think this is going to shut her down.

Also, IF IT WERE ME, I'd drop the friends part unless/until she brings it up. For this talk, it should be short and to the point..."I WILL NOT live in an open marriage. If you choose the OM over our marriage and children, then I agree that it is over". Exit.

As I said though, please wait on one of the vets to chime in and I hope i am not throwing a wrench in here!

I KNOW it is scarey and it seems so counter productive, it just CAN'T work, but, I'll tell you, while I was typing this response, my W had emailed me twice! Nothing prior to our talk like this, and now TWICE! I haven't responded as I am going as DIM as possible with the kids and other stuff, but it is the shock and awe factor I think.

I feel for you and will keep you in my thoughts over the next couple of days. Hang in there!

Tom