No gut instincts that it wasn't over...but I was in disbelief and at times just couldn't bring myself to admit it was over...then something would happen and I would hit bottom...thinking that he was really gone...for good, gone...
I didn't want to be done but at the same time I struggled with my ability to forgive and live without having skeletons fall out of my closet...
IB...my H also messed up earlier...his was on the internet...EA with many OW...I found out quite by accident and just about threw in the towel...it took a long time to get over that but before long time to get over that one...I thought he would never do it again...he did and escalated to a PA and leaving me (something he had promised he would never ever do)
I believe this was the beginning of his MLC...the pause was just a quiet storm waiting to explode when it could no longer be kept quiet...and sure enough it exploded!
I realized that it had very little to do with me...yes, I had faults and I needed to make personal changes...but his issues were way bigger then my faults...and only he could work on them and in hindsight...he did us a favor by staying away...his life wasn't as perfect as he led me to believe while he was gone either...I don't think many of them are as they lead the LBS spouse to believe...
