Another story of a WH and an LBS

[gatsby11]

Hey!

NM- It's just so weird; I still don't even know what to think or feel. But it's okay for you to be enthusiastic!

I don't know about the cooking stuff. Hee hee. I didn't tell you that I know he didn't really like what I cooked the other night. It was super bland. It was my kind of food, but not his, and he was being polite. So... probably going to drop that. Not sustainable for me anyway! But hanging out with friends and being very active-- that I can and should do forever! And I will keep that up. Thanks for all your ideas and thoughts!

Oh and about a counselor. . . I don't know if he's thinking we'll go back to that other lady or try someone new. I don't know what to do about it. Try to take over or let him take the lead on the counseling. At this point I'm thinking of letting him take the lead.

Bluestar, hi! Reading up on my sitch must have taken forever if you went back to the old thread. Thanks!

I will look up the Relationship Rescue now. And you're right about being more flirtatious with him. Now that he met my condition, I will try to definitely be more present and a bit cute!

(I'm going to take a peek at your thread now.)

That's all for now...

[Piano]

G, wasn't that other lady a bit of a nog?
The advice around here is generally interview counselors to make sure they are marriage friendly. I think the advice about finding 3 and letting him chose is good.
But does sound like a lotta work!

Yeah, like the idea of being cute and the odd flirt. Do it if you feel like it.

Any more news?

[gatsby11]

Hey P,

Well... (I love your word there, nog!) yes, I suppose so. I wouldn't say she was for our reconciliation. WH did say he didn't want to work on the marriage, though, so... but she did also say "some marriages aren't meant to be." That definitely bothered me.

This is really hard for me, actually. If WH wanted her, then I'd probably go with it.

One good thing is that she is located for away, so it really isn't a convenient location for either of us.

See, this is what my therapist tells me I have to work on-- telling him what I want. So the question is, what do I want in a therapist?

I want a therapist who will support us fighting to stay together. But I want someone who has that as the backdrop and then helps us move into the serious stuff we have to deal with. I want someone who will say "It sounds like you guys have a lot of good things to work with. There are issues, but you can make it." (Sorry, i have to write this out because I don't know exactly what I want and this is helping.) So I want someone who will be positive for our specific sitch. Is that too much to ask?

Then, once we do delve into things, I want someone who will... I don't even know, guide us through really thick areas. Point out good things when it seems everything is bad. Give us confidence that we can make it. Give us exercises to work on at home and handouts and 'homework.'

So that is what I want.

Male or female? I guess it doesn't matter if they can do the above. I sort of want a male, but that's for WH's sake. I guess for my sake I want a female.

I also want someone with a Buddhist perspective.

The one thing i don't know is if I want one who 'looks to the past' or is 'solution oriented.' I think I'm leaning to the solution type.

Okay, so that's that.

It is a good idea to find 3 and let him choose. But guys, this is so tenuous, I don't even want to bring it up.

I didn't hear from WH at all yesterday. It is sort of what I expected-- a major step was taken and he needed more space. I'm supposed to be going out of town today (I might cancel that) so I'm not sure if I'll hear from him. The next time he comes over is Monday.

So we'll see what happens then. . . my guess is that nothing on the counseling front will happen and I will have to start hinting at it in AUgust. And I don't know if I want to do that.

OK, off to check other threads!

[newmama]

Gee, I don't know if you can get all of that in a therapist...Buddhist+solution based+pro-marriage? On the other hand, I think Avermont found someone like that to help her (as an IC).

But here is a link to finding marriage friendly therapists if it helps:
http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/index.php

Yeah, being fun and flirty if you can manage to not be pursuing sounds good! Think of Seeing Red- if you haven't checked out her thread, it is mighty full of ideas for alluring her husband while she is leading an independent life with the kids!

[bluestar]

I don't think he's probably thought about MC enough to already have C options. It was a huge step for him to even bring it up. I would go ahead and do the homework. He doesn't need to know about that right now. Find the three you like.

If he brings it up with specific C, then take a look at his list but you do get input on who you go to. If he doesn't bring it up in a reasonable amount of time, then you can approach it. Something like...I really appreciate your willingness on the MC subject. I don't know if you had anyone in mind but I was thinking that the last one we went to is a little too far. I got some referrals. Take a look at these and let me know who you'd like to make an appt with.

It was such a leap for him to bring up the subject that he will probably appreciate your input. And as you said, it's a 180 for you to tell him what you want.

[gatsby11]

I like that, Bluestar. Sounds good.

And NM, yes I do think it's a bit much. I want a certain specific type of person, but bottom line is I want someone to help us.

Just got back from out of town. A bit too much activity for me and my 5-week old. Gotta go to bed......................

[newmama]

Gatsby! What is up? I miss you! How was your trip?

[Babydoll]

Gatsby,

have to read and catch up! been busy loving the little boy and looks like i maxed out room to write on my previous thread, so i started a new one... come find me! Looks like same happened to your thread!

new thread:

Husband left me 3 months pregnant... (continued)

[Piano]

hey g, been wondering how you are doing? what's wh been up to?

[gatsby11]

Hey guys... nothing's been happening at all! Except little girl crying and crying, and me finally discovering mylicon. There was nothing sweeter than giving her that last night at 1:10 am after hours of crying... and her falling asleep 5 minutes later. It makes me think that maybe she hasn't been overtired all the time. Maybe she's been gassy!

Okay, now WH stuff. He came over Sunday and Tuesday. He'll come over again Thursday. It's just been normal. Yesterday I started asking him questions about his life. I hadn't done that at all so far. I still haven't read relationship books yet. Just need to do it.

And that's it! Off to visit your threads!