Baby Boy is two weeks old today!!!!!!! Such an amazing little guy... love him soooo much!
H has been staying here and helping me out so very much. I have had so many visitors and gifts and help around the clock! I am so grateful. Baby is happy and sleeping and eating and all is going great, thank God!
It has been a little strange to say the least with H living under the same roof, and yet so nice and comforting. We basically are living together but seperate... I like having him here to help out, I am breast feeding and H changes the diapers and wakes up during the night for every feeding. We have dinner together, just the two of us, most nights, and he is being very attentive and caring and very H-like... without the lovey dovey affection of course... I find that I call him 'babe' and i cringe... the word just comes out of my mouth! Actually, he said it a few times too... he talks about us being a family, although i do notice he pulls back a lot too. i did bring up R talk once and it ended with me in tears, telling him to leave... then begging him to stay and to be a family with us... said he really wants to be there for the baby and me... and that he does think of 'us' but right now he is only focused on the baby. He is taking his boards in the next few weeks and has been studying a lot too. When he is not here, he is calling and texting and asking for pics of the baby. When he is here, its like we are 'together'. Some moments get so intimate that i feel flushed and nervous. Our families have been around us and things seem so normal sometimes.
I'm not sure what he is thinking, i do however know he is SO CONFUSED!!! It is obvious to everyone especially me!
Well, I am just loving my little boy sooooo much. We are getting ready to send out the birth announcements (with both of our names on it) and planning for his christening...
Who knows... I am taking one day at a time... i dont like to look back it makes me sad, and i dont want to feel sorry for myself, and dont want to look forward, too much unknown and i drive myself nuts...
So I am still floating... this time on cloud nine with my baby boy of course... and H very close by...
