WHY DO WE DO IT?

[navajo]

Actually, Nav, you did damned good. I'm proud to know ya.

Especially "I can't be friends with you" part. I know that wasn't easy, but it was necessary. I had to tell my wife the same thing. That if she chose to end our marriage this way -- by cutting and running, having an affair, and then lying to everyone about it -- that I had absolutely no intention of being her friend, much less her BEST friend, because friends don't treat each other that way. However, if she chose to end her affair, and end all contact, and come back and work on the marriage (incl. MCing) for some period of time, say one year ... and if that doesn't work out then ... then yeah, we could probably be friends.

That -- she told me when we reconciled -- was what shook her up more than anything. She told me she missed our friendship, and what I had said to her made a big difference.

This probably won't make you feel any better right now, but you DO realize that at least you have some CLARITY here now. I mean, if this WERE "just a friendship," do you REALLY think she'd be ending her marriage, and giving up 50% of her time with her kids over it??

Nope ... she's in DEEP, alright.

Puppy

WOW! Thanks Pup. I figured I had mangled it sinnce I was just freelancing it and putting together some of the ideas/methods I found here that fit.

It was hard, but i really think that it all has to do with where you're "at" at the time. I'll admit i found myself getting worked up and nervous on the way home, but pulled myself together before i got here and realized that I have nothing to fear. It is a boundary that i MUST set and whether she comes back or not is out of my hands. She is truly free to do what she wants to from here on (R wise, NOT children wise).

I am going to talk to her again later this week about her interactions with the children. My D fell apart last night and said she doesn't feel like her M cares any more. I know this is mostly hurt feelings and the fact that they've always butted heads (too much alike) but she needs to understand that right now they both need us to be strong and calm. Wish me luck!

Yes, I have total clarity now. It is really hard to believe that the NOTION of someone else could replace our m and the kids... I mean, there isn't even anything physical (so far). I guess I'll never understand the addiction aspect.

Anyway, thanks for helping me out with this sitch as well as making me think further and look deeper into myself in the past few weeks. I'lldef buy you a beer or 3 if you're ever in VA!

[navajo]

TimeHeals and Kimmi Lee - Thanks for the ego boost. I am SO GLAD I found this site and all you helpful people that are willing to open your hearts and let us other poor souls lean on you. You ALL are truly a blessing!

[navajo]

Mr Navajo-
I will use "Mister" because what you did was spectacular and deserving of that level of respect.

Everything Puppy says is dead on. (I know, it's like saying the sun is bright and yellow)

I am going to use your handling of this as my inspiration and template since my day for this is Thursday.

Congratulations. I know it doesn't 'feel" like a win, but it is.

You have establsidhed you self-respect and dignity. You did the right thing and the right way.

THAT IS "Why we do it'

PLEASE don't swell my head any more! I am just a poor b@stard trying to work my way through this hell and have been getting EXCELLENT advice here.

I truly wish you the best of luck and that you will find the strength and peace to make it through Thursday. Please let us know how it goes and know we are all pulling for you!

[CD Bear]

WE all got on board the Navajo Train because it's inspiring to see "good work" and YOU need the ego swell. This isn't 'fun" very often and excitement is sparse.

BUT YOU need to get the swagger back and know you "have hand"

I'll post whatever happens Thursday.

Thanks.

[navajo]

You know, I was honestly considering cancelling our internet service and throwing the computers away after this, but i realized that it is not the internet that is the problem. If someone is wanting to "find someone else" or reconnect to old flames to find out "what if" then there is an existing issue in the relationship (OR PERSON!) and it's going to happen anyway.

I DO understand that the internet and FB in particular make it SOOOOO much easier to accomplish, but, as I've always been told, it is just a tool. Tools are not inherently bad or good, it depends on how they are used.

I really feel for what you are going through as well. Stay strong and be the shining example for your kids. When all else is stripped away, THEY are the only ones that matter!

I busted my W one night. I had stayed up in the livingroom reading and when I went down the hall to turn off my D's light, I saw my W had her cell in bed...at 4:30 AM and tried to hide it under the covers when she saw me. I thought something was going on prior to that because she was staying up ALL night typing on the computer and puting up a solitaire game when I walked by as well as NEVER letting her cell out of her grasp (sleeping with it, showering with it, etc).

Good luck and stay strong!

[CD Bear]

My wife has the new Ronco GloveBerry.

Is it a glove or a BBerry?

WOWEE! It's BOTH

(yes,Puppy, it also comes with free BluBlockers)

[navajo]

WE all got on board the Navajo Train because it's inspiring to see "good work" and YOU need the ego swell. This isn't 'fun" very often and excitement is sparse.

BUT YOU need to get the swagger back and know you "have hand"

I'll post whatever happens Thursday.

Thanks.

You know, I can understand that. I find myself getting sort of depressed sometimes when reading through the posts here. There is just so much pain! Feel free to help me celebrate!

I told my coworker the other day when he asked how I was doing that it felt weird to have "them" back. He asked what I meant and I said, I took them out of her purse and get to keep them now! HAHAHA!

But seriously, it's all about taking your life back. We can't control others or make them want to fall back in love with us. It took me a while to get that (thanks for the patience Pup!)

I'll be sending good vibes your way.

GOOD LUCK!

[navajo]

My wife has the new Ronco GloveBerry.

Is it a glove or a BBerry?

WOWEE! It's BOTH

(yes,Puppy, it also comes with free BluBlockers)

GloveBerry, I LOVE IT!

Keep your sense of humor! that'll get you through a lot! I know it helps me to be able to joke about (PARTS) of this.

[CD Bear]

.....it's all about taking your life back. We can't control others or make them want to fall back in love with us. It took me a while to get that.

Absolutely.

And the things she USED to have in her purse? That's where the swagger comes from.

[CD Bear]

My humor has been "missing" for a long time.

It's one of the things I "found" when I was GAL'ing...the old me.

Also a reason my W found me back then, too.