Baby born, separated, WH moving overseas for OW

[newmama]

Mum is great. It all feels normal. In fact, feels like old times. Which feels a bit boring (what does that say?). One time I completely lose myself and call him 'babe'. Cripes!!! I hope he thinks I have said "baby", talking about ours

.

I have beeeeeeen there too, gals! The "old times" feeling a bit boring when he was there. I don't know if it is because we didn't have them, wanted them so bad, and remembered the times together as wonderful because we missed the basic stuff. But then we get the basic stuff with our WHs (in the present) and it is a let down...because there is no romantic relationship behind it??And we are not the happy family we hoped for? Just a disappointment maybe....

And I TOTALLY called stbxh "Honey" one time! But it was obvious! We just ignored it. One time I said "she likes honey" or something and stbxh said "yes?" like he thought I called him honey.

Good job not pursuing...give that space! Excellent job having a conflict free day!

[Piano]

Yeah, not only was it boring, he smelt a bit too! Sorry that's mean, but I think it's a result of living a bit of a derelict life. Boy has he has fallen from great heights.

Okay, so no pursuing went out the window cos I texted WH and said that bub was a bit uncomfortable in her brace. He rang withing half an hour to talk about it. I wasn't needy but asked his advice and shared my concerns. He acted a bit like an older brother. I suppose that makes me the younger sister then. Okay, so that's not dead sexy!

He also texted tonight to see how her day went!

(All this is happening of course because I am not throwing stuff at him or telling him where to go jump.)

So I replied with a list of things I had dealt with & handled. Detailed but confident.

Then he says he would like to bring MIL over to see the baby tomorrow with him. (this would be the first time they have been together with the baby). I say that should be fine. He's then taking MIL on a car trip to the rainforest.

I would LOVE my WH to take me on a car trip!

Oh to get OUT of the house, chaperoned by a strapping gentlemen, who will carry my bags and the baby and open my car door for me and drive!


Worried that I am letting my WH walk away from this marriage and this country with everything he wanted : a peaceful-ending separation from me, a relationship with his child, and our child bearing his name (hyphenated with mine).

On the name front, got an email from WH's best friend who congratualted me on naming the baby and said 'all honour to you'.

If only he realised WH threatened to not sign the birth registry papers if she didn't have his name! (not that that is why I gave the hyphenated name - i had my own reasons). Should I say something or leave it? I think I'll leave it.

Oh and BIL moved out of my apartment today.. leaving just MIL.

[Piano]

The "old times" feeling a bit boring when he was there. I don't know if it is because we didn't have them, wanted them so bad, and remembered the times together as wonderful because we missed the basic stuff. But then we get the basic stuff with our WHs (in the present) and it is a let down...because there is no romantic relationship behind it??And we are not the happy family we hoped for? Just a disappointment maybe....

Yep.

[gatsby11]

Okay, all I've read is NM's post and P's first line. But I have to say two things.

1) I think it is true, NM, that we looked back and remembered only exciting things. And forgot about regular, mundane life. Good point!

2) P, my WH's feet REEKED last week when he was over. It was so bad, I Lysoled the floor when he left. And did a major cleaning the next day. Eww.

[gatsby11]

Yes, P, definitely DON'T say anything to the friend. That friend could back you in the future to WH. . . so keep that going.

Worried that I am letting my WH walk away from this marriage and this country with everything he wanted : a peaceful-ending separation from me, a relationship with his child, and our child bearing his name (hyphenated with mine).

Yes. I know. I have worried about that in my own sitch.

The name: her name is great and shouldn't be worried about at all. The hyphen is solid.

Relationship with bub: Again, something YOU want.

Peaceful-ending separation: Forget about him, did you want a chaotic and aggressive ending? I would guess no.

So even though these are things he wanted, they actually benefit you. A lot!

What he is getting that he doesn't want: less trust from his friends and family, you looking like the 'better person', GUILT, and quite possibly some major regret down the line. He will pay, P. You don't even have to do a thing to make that happen, and it still will.

[Piano]

Hey G! Special thanks for reminding me to take the focus off WH and put it back on myself. You are so right about all of the above. These things are what I wanted.
And I won't say anything to the friend that wrote, apart from a thankyou. Gotta keep it classy!

[newmama]

Piano, where art thou? I am missing my mamas! Need to look up BD too!

[Babydoll]

Hi Piano,

been busy loving the little boy and looks like i maxed out room to write on my previous thread, so i started a new one... come find me!

Husband left me 3 months pregnant... (continued)

[Piano]

Hey guys, not a heck of a lot happening.
I guess I feel I am in perpetual 'countdown' - this time for when WH leaves for good.
How do I get him to spend more time with us?
Maybe I need to think of it as 'dates'. Tomorrow we have a 'date' to walk the baby and go look at car seats.
Then he is not coming to bubs checkup in the afternoon, instead moving to friends house 1.5hrs from city. I think he is planning to see her 2x per week. I have told him I am happy for him to see her as much as he likes as I'm feeling on top of things.
Feelings for WH changing - I suppose I don't have much to say to this WH and our time bores me a bit.
I think I am on my way to letting go.
My counselor tells me, with regards to the name, that life is easier when there is no competition, no 'tit for tat'. So true.

Friends, any advice on how to play these last few weeks? Long term aim is to 'let' WH go to Europe, 'let' WH be with OW, 'let' WH make his choices and mistakes (i hope!), and know he can come back - not to a doormat who would take him back at any price, but would be open to it.

[gatsby11]

Your last sentence, P-- sounds great.

I am no expert on 'how to play'... my opinion is to show parenthood as a joy and don't expect anything from him. You're probably already doing this.

You could try to liven things up, but that would really not help with your detachment. I say do whatever you can to detach and then focus on bub!

Others might have better ideas.

How is bub doing, by the way?