L, To be honest I think a lot of what you are feeling and doing is fear driven. You are so concentrated on the what ifs with your H that it's paralyzing you. You have no way of knowing what the future holds or what your H is going to do, or cooking up in his whacked out brain.
You have to take that focus off from your H and put it where it belongs, on you. You have to formulate a plan for yourself. You can not stop your H in whatever it is he's going to do so you must look out for yourself.
Moving forward doesn't mean you move on. It doesn't mean you stop loving your H. It does mean that you love you enough to step back and protect yourself from your H's antics.
Have you done anything to protect yourself financially? MLCers are notorious for spending money like mad.
MLC is a long journey. Remember it's not about you. You didn't cause it and you can't fix it. You can however, fix you. You can develop a game plan to see yourself through your own journey. You do have a lot of choices on how your going to help yourself.
Have you delved into the MLC archives yet? Lots of valuable info in them.
