New here, not sure where to start

[job]

I am going to tell you again....stop focusing on him. You need to focus on yourself. You are trying to analyze everything about him and to be very, very frank, you can't and trust me, the answers will not come. Why? Because he doesn't know what he wants either.

In your h's mind, he is trying very hard to be there and be a part of your family and your life. Unfortunately, his emotions have been stuffed completely down within him and he doesn't feel the way he thinks he should. Is he waiting for something? Most definitely. What? Don't know, but your situation is very similiar to what I experienced 11 years ago, without children.

My xh left and returned within several days. He was home for 7 months and all the while telling everyone that we were working on gettings things back on track...unfortunately he spoke french and I didn't, as there was no "we" in the equation. I jumped through hoops to change everything under the sun just to make him happy....didn't work...the next day it was something else and finally, I had had enough. I started living my life. One day, I made a very simple comment about something and he said he had thought about leaving after Christmas....I left it at that and after a good night's rest and working the following day, I opened that cage door and forced his hand and practically shoved him out without a net. He left again 2 weeks after I told him that I thought he should go at that time and not wait until after Christmas. Yes, my xh was waiting for something...he was waiting for me to open the cage door and shove him out. He didn't want to walk out and look like the bad guy. I, on the other hand, was very upset about the entire mess for a while, but once I got my sea legs back, I was on the move ensuring that the assets were not spent and I made darn sure I was not robbed by the very person that I had trusted for 25 years. Today, as I look back, I'm not sorry for openning the cage door and shoving him out....I regained my self-worth and I'm very happy w/who I am.

Taylor, that's my story and what I did is not for everyone, but I didn't allow fear to win and I made sure that I stayed two steps ahead of him when it came to the finances and taking care of myself. Each person has to find the right balance. What I did was right for me and my situation. You will find your balance, but you must face your fears and beat them.

My advice is to live your life as if he's going to walk out that door and never look back. Get yourself together, sit down and write out a proposed plan on how you are going to take care of yourself and your family. Set some goals for yourself and most importantly....FOCUS ON YOU!