tired of this

[Ken62]

A-goodman, please don't take her list at face value, please don't take her stating that she is afraid of you at face value, please don't let her telling you that this started 9 years ago at face value, please don't take her saying that you are turning the kids against her and trying to make her feel bad at face value.

These are all part of her script and her way of trying to control you and the situation. She hands you a list of all kinds of things and you spend all day fretting about it and worrying about it like it is the gospel truth. You even said that this list didn't even include the things you originally were told of why the M was in trouble. I'm pretty sure that you read my sitch and all of these things were there (with the exception of the list but it could have been the first letter she wrote to me).

The WAS keeps changing the game to keep you on your toes and to be the one with all the power. If you can just "let go" and let them stew in their own juices and let them spew if they want to and not let it have an affect on you they tend to not feel that power and control and it scares them.

I think the fact that you didn't engage with her when she gave you the list did upset her because she did want to beat you down when you disagreed with her 66 points but you didn't do that. My advice is to NOT bring up the list. She said that she didn't want to talk about it so let her bring it up when she wants to and if she does try to agree and validate. Coach has posted several things that talk about how you can't get into a fight if someone agrees with you.

I can't remember if you've read the "Letting them go" thread but I highly recommend it. I wish I would have done this so much sooner in my sitch but even though I didn't I don't know what is going to happen. Does it suck that we are now D and she is living wth OM? Sure it does! Does it suck that two of her three kids don't want to even talk to her? Sure it does! But this is "what she wanted" it may not look like she had it pictured in her head but it is "what she wanted". Right now I am NOT her friend and it will remain that way until/if she decides to do something about OM. If she doesn't do anything about OM I will have my new life with my kids and any new people that come into my life and who want to be with me. She needs to deal with her stuff and so does your W. She has told you what she wants so give it to her. Let her go and let her deal with the consequences of her actions sooner rather then later.

At first I moved out of the house but two months later we switched and part of the reason for this was because my D20 told XW that she needed to be out of the house because XW didn't deserve to be in the house. Was XW pissed about this? You bet but she did it anyway and used it as another excuse to play the victim.

Sorry to ramble on but I just hate seeing you spin your wheels with this. Right now she has all the power and control and you have a way to get it back (even though it is NOT the easiest thing to do). You can do it!