Had a GREAT birthday -- thanks! My family (incl. my new granddaughter) all took me out for deep-dish pizza on Friday, and then on Saturday, D23 had us all over to her house (which is actually MY house, that she rents from me) for a favorite dish of mine. Good food, good wine, good times. I felt very loved, and most blessed!!
I know that many/all of you think that I am still pursuing my W and have not yet successfully detached and I guess you are right. I haven't quite dropped the rope completely. I still have HOPE. I feel like I have come a long way in a pretty short time and I don't really feel like I am pursuing her anymore, but maybe I don't recognize things I should consider pursuing as pursuit.
I have told her that she is getting the D she wants and I don't want to waste another 6-9 months of my life living with her in limbo. I have also told her a number of times that she should move out and that issues that come up don't matter because we are getting divorced. Those were very bold steps for me. I think I have GAL and I don't invite her to do things with us anymore.
I wish I knew what to believe about OM, but I just don't. She lies to me so well that I can't tell anymore.
On Goodman's thread, MP talks about working with his W rather than against her, in order to make it easier for her to stay than to leave. There is also a similar article posted on the front page of this site about a guy who remained best friends with his WAS and got reunited. I am so confued about how all of this fits together.
By detaching, pushing hard on the D, telling her to move, I won't be your friend, am I trying to make her realize that getting D will be harder than staying?
On Goodman's thread, MP talks about working with his W rather than against her, in order to make it easier for her to stay than to leave. There is also a similar article posted on the front page of this site about a guy who remained best friends with his WAS and got reunited. I am so confued about how all of this fits together.
I have personally never seen that approach work. Ever.
I know that many/all of you think that I am still pursuing my W
Yes, I feel you are still pursuing your wife.
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I have told her that she is getting the D she wants and I don't want to waste another 6-9 months of my life living with her in limbo. I have also told her a number of times that she should move out and that issues that come up don't matter because we are getting divorced. Those were very bold steps for me.
Bold actions will speak loud and clear to her and us that you are not pursuing her. She wants out. PACK HER STUFF UP. MOVE IT OUT OF YOUR LIFE. MOVE HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE DONE WITH HER. Do not do it in a mean way. Just matter of fact. Do not fear her reaction.
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She lies to me so well that I can't tell anymore.
Your focus is on her. You worry about if she is telling you the truth or telling you lies....
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I am so confused about how all of this fits together.
You are too focused on figuring it out. The more uncomfortable it feels, the more likely it is "The right thing to do".
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By detaching, pushing hard on the D, telling her to move, I won't be your friend, am I trying to make her realize that getting D will be harder than staying?
She needs to feel and experience the natural consequences of her actions.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Taking actions based on your personal integrity and core values is needed.
What are your core values? What do you stand for as a man?
Simple thing: Do you want to be with a woman who lies to you? She needs to be remorsefully for this. She needs to feel the loss. She needs to be the one afraid. NOT YOU.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Bold actions will speak loud and clear to her and us that you are not pursuing her. She wants out. PACK HER STUFF UP. MOVE IT OUT OF YOUR LIFE. MOVE HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE DONE WITH HER. Do not do it in a mean way. Just matter of fact. Do not fear her reaction.
I am not afraid anymore, but I don't know how to do this. Legally I can't force her out of the house and my atty said the court isn't likely to either. If I pack all of her stuff and put it outside, is that considered harrassing and could put me in legal jeopardy?
