First - I want you to know that you have and continue to be an inspiration to me.
So...here are my thoughts....
What ARE YOU willing to live with Missher?
What does Missher really want for HIS life? And I mean really want. Don't give me one of these cookie cutter DB type responses. I mean really what do you want. Maybe the better questions is this...
What is Missher willing to do for his M - regardless of what she does?
Is Missher willing to try and reconcile post D?
Can Missher put his pride aside?
Can Missher forgive her even if she goes forward with the D?
Can Missher still love her even though she may be stuck in MLC for a while?
Can Missher love her while she is with someone else? Can you? Is this something that Missher really wants? There is no shame is saying YES - I know how much you love this women.
All of these questions should be thought through. Whatever you decided - It is your choice. You decide what Missher wants. No one else.
You may be right about the gut feeling. Then again you may be wrong. IMO - often when the A's are public knowledge, the MLCer must go forward with a D. It may be a way for her to wipe the slate clean and start over again. It may be closure for her. A few more questions...
Does a legal piece of paper define your R with her?
Do YOU feel that your R can be re-established she she go forward?
If you looked at your R outside of the "legal" definition of a M would you still want to be with her. I suspect YES.
Personally, I would not initiate the R talk at least not a full blow one. If you want to ask about her intention as it relates to talking to the kids - then I agree. Outside of that I would not say a thing. The problem with an R talk right now, IMO, is you would be putting her on the spot. You would be asking for an answer. An answer that you may not want. It also may come across as if you are worried. As you know, fear can be smelled a mile a way and she just may pick up on that scent. She knows you love her - she knows. She knows you Missher - so anything that you do should come right from the heart. No tactic, no bull - right from your BIG as the state of Texas heart. No more, no less. Just be honest. Just be the new Missher.
In terms of going dark, I would not. You guys have kids together you can't go dark. To me, going dark is just a tactic that most can see through. I would continue to be friendly to her. I would continue to be her friend. I would continue to love her. I would however set a boundary as it relates to ML. For me, it would be too painful. It would IMO send the wrong signal.
So to summarize...You love this women dude - I know. Would you be willing to start up as friends and see where it goes? Maybe that is the best approach to take. Stop trying to save the M and try and save the friendship. A friendship in time that can turn into a NEW WONDERFUL R.
Whatever you do...do it from the heart. Not from fear or worry...just the heart. Do this and no matter what you do it will be right. Why? Cause it will be from YOU - the real YOU - the new YOU - the YOU with no mask.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
