Ok..I get that my H isn't himself and is making stupid decisions, etc..and yes, Warrior, he did choose an OW that is many steps below me too.
the part I'm not getting..is this...
How can I GAL, find me, work on me..all that stuff..when he can pull the plug at any moment and turn my life even more upside down that it is? It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get the detach thing, and see how it will benefit me..and him. the part I'm NOT getting is how will that benefit me if he decides to file for D? And i understand that I will be stronger, will have learned things about myself, made new friends..etc..but all that will not in any way help me as a 53 year old woman who is dumped by her H for an OW or a string of OW while just living here with him waiting for him to come back to his senses. I know that the alternative is to walk..and I've told you I don't want to do that..
My C tells me I have several options:
Stay here and figure out how to NOT freak out about his sneaking, lying and cheating
Stay here and confront him and probably push him farther away and end up in D
Move out and start a new life..with or w/o a D
Kick him out, stay here, and see what happens
Ok..when I read that back, I see that the only good option really is to stay here and figure out a way to deal with his sneaking, lying and cheating..and other stuff like living with an alien. and if I detach, it will be easy to not freak out because I won't care..except that I will because I love the man and am afraid he is going to hurt me at any given moment..not physically..but by just springing the D on me with no notice and then I'll be scramblng to figure out what to do with the devastation that is going to cause. And I know that you guys say, don't put the car before the horse, don't worry about something that might not even happen..etc..but I'm not a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal..I need to have some kind of plan B. I am afraid to be here going on about my life, while he may be plotting how to leave me high and dry. And it hurts to think that he is having sex with someone else, and not me. How will GAL help me feel better about that? Getting a job will definately help my financial stability and I am still applying like a madman..but I cna't deal with the uncertainty..are their tools to help with this..or how do I get over this hurdle?
I just feel stuck..like my life is on hold waiting for him to come back to his senses..which may never happen. then I think about all the years I will waste if it doesn't happen. I know if I get a job, make new friends, go and visit my kids on wkends, do stuff by myself, it will help me, but how is that going to help us, or make me not care what he is doing to us? What am I not understanding? i really want to be ok with all this, I just don't know how.
I just feel so frustrated. The answer you guys give to GAL and think about me sounds so simple..but it really isn't. Expecially if you aren't used to ever doing that.
And i'm not mad or screaming or anything like that..I feel clueless and it makes me panic. And the whole thing is so incredibly sad. Sometimes it's even hard to look at him.
