Near WAW with EA - almost textbook sich

[doing my best]

Thinking about bringing her original apology email she sent and re-reading it to her. Want to know what happened here and why she has moved further away from me as she has freely admitted.

She did say this weekend she is at a crossroad and is looking for "a sign". Well....what about the many changes that I have done to myself and and continued to implement? There are a bunch of "signs" there.

********Sent to me May 26, 2010 after EA was exposed*******
Dear XXX (Me)

Thank you for your spilling you feelings out via the letters. I believe that you will try more than ever with our relationship; I’m just sorry that it had to get to this point.

I am so sorry about the added pain of my communication with XXX (OM). It just felt so good to have someone listen to me, ask for help and listen to my suggestions, make me laugh and he happened to come into my life when I needed it most. It was so easy to share with him because he knew me and was feeling pain like I was. I never meant it to get “out of control” but the phone calls and texting were too much and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. As I mentioned earlier, I did want to meet him for lunch…I wanted to see him after all these years. But now is not the time when I’m the most vulnerable…I just didn’t see me in this way.

I know you want to listen to me and make me feel special. I also know you can make me laugh. I just need this from you in a reciprocal manner; two way dialogue; a continuous discussion or joking back and forth…by being in the moment I believe these things can happen.

I feel like you have forgotten who I am. Let me reintroduce myself…

I love to smile and get one back and I love to love. I also have wonderful ideas that when put into motion can create some amazing things…I just don’t get to share those with you. I have my own opinions that make me who I am and sometimes they come from my soul and may not seem justified from an ego point of view. I like to be in the moment, be connected, as to not miss a single minute; there is less stress that way and it paves the way for magical times to happen. I also love to give, help, and support…that is who I am and I feel that I am there for anyone on this earth that asks or is in great need; when you give you get back 10x more! I believe that all people are good and that many times God gives us challenges and either we end up a better person for it or our soul quietly waits for another opportunity. Quietly is not always the best way…sometimes vulnerability can be good for it allows your spirit to speak its passion. It’s ok to share your feelings, XXXX (me)!

I want you to know that I am committed to working on our relationship. I do not want this to jeopardize our healing in anyway. Please trust in me that my communication has ceased, in all forms, with XXXX (OM). I didn’t mean to hurt you!!!!!

I don’t want another restless night like last night. Please forgive me.

Love,
XXXX